Dating in the modern age seems to be a bit of a mindfield.
To help us all out, and get a bit of debate going, I’m going to post an entirely hypothetical scenario and give you a poll all to vote on.
Feel free to debate the scenario, or post up other hypothetical scenarios for people to vote on and discuss if you wish
You have met someone on the dating app Tinder, and have been seeing them for about 2 months. The relationship progressed fairly rapidly, you both seem to get on really well and are having daily WhatsApp chats filled with xxx and cute emojis.
You are seeing each other as often as your busy lifestyles allow and are sleeping together
You really like this person, and have every reason to believe that the other person likes you back in a similar way. Crucially though no discussions have taken place about exclusivity or "where this relationship is going"
Do you continue to use the dating App Tinder to match with, chat to and maybe date other people?
(poll is not anonymous, but I can add one if people would prefer to vote that way)
- of course, the exclusivity conversation has not taken place. Chances are the other person is still using it too, we met on there after all
- I might glance at it occasionally and have a bit of a swipe when I’m bored, but I wouldn’t take things further than a bit of chat
- Probably wouldn’t bother, who’s got the time?
- I really like the person I’m seeing, why would I want to complicate that by continuing to use Tinder?
- It’s just not the done thing so I wouldn’t do it
- Other - please discuss below
I would have a bit of a swipe but the hypothetical couple need to have a chat about where this relationship is/isn’t going
I wouldn’t have the energy or mental capacity to try and see multiple people so it wouldn’t occur to me to pursue other meet-ups, but I’d be conscious that the other person might and would want to talk to them about it by that point.
(Having said this, I met mahhhh wiiiiiife on OKCupid and I remember having a conversation about shutting down our profiles, but I don’t think I fully did shut mine down, gotta have an exit strategy you know?)
Need to be able to vote for more than one option.
I imagine I’d stop tindering because who’s got the time? And if you’re really into this new person I probably wouldn’t be that interested in flirting with other people.
But then again, who am I kidding, I love flirting with people.
I don’t think there’s anything WRONG with continuing to peruse Tinder though.
I don’t and have never used Tinder, and haven’t dated in a decade, so I fully understand all of this and as such my opinion can be used validly.
I would have had the conversation probably before even arranging meeting
Interesting , I thought this scenario might split opinion a bit more than it has (based on the comments and voting so far)
Someone needs to post a more controversial scenario
I voted for the most popular option but I’m a) naturally a fairly monogamous/loyal person and b) not rich in free time.
I’m at the very least poly-sympathetic if not outright poly so I voted with I’d keep using it. Although in truth I would probably not be that interested during the honeymoon phase and obviously this wouldn’t preclude having the exclusivity chat asap.
I think I’m probably quite old fashioned in this approach but to me after a couple of months of all this you are in a relationship and you shouldn’t have to have an exclusivity conversation (unless you explicitly want things to be open) so no I wouldn’t continue to look elsewhere. If I really liked someone I’d probably stop immediately tbh.
I’m baffled I ever managed to find one person prepared to put up with me. Casting around for another would be a mug’s game for me, Clive.
do people straight up say if they are poly or mono on dating profiles? everybody should do this
some people do say they are poly. Some people specifically say they are looking for a long term monogomous thing
On Tinder which is by far the most popular app most people probably don’t say anything on their profile (you don’t get many words, the focus is more on the photos)
Some dating sites have the option to specify if you’re poly or open to meeting people who are yes.
it’s funny because obviously it’s best for everyone to begin everything as honest as you can but then do you go far enough to say if you are an insecure or needy person? All seems a bit of a gamble.
Maybe that would be the way to go though for me, just admit to all my necroses up front
Do you mean if you’re an insecure or needy person in the sense of poly dating or just generally?
Cos obv everyone has flaws and issues but I wouldn’t go on about mine on a dating profile. Although if you ended up dating someone then I imagine they would come up in the course of the relationship anyway.