23/24 Football Predictions

Lets do this

CHAMPIONS:
CL QUALIFIERS:
RELEGATED:
SURPRISE PACKAGES:
SURPRISE STRUGGLERS:
BEST SIGNINGS:
TURKEYS:
FIRST SACKING/DEPARTURE:
BIGGEST ANNUAL WIG LOSS (CLUB):
MANAGER OF THE YEAR:
PLAYER OF THE YEAR:
TOP SCORER:
FA CUP:
LEAGUE CUP:
CHAMPIONS LEAGUE:
EUROPA LEAGUE:
CONFERENCE LEAGUE

GENERAL BIG SHOUTS:

---- + IF YOU WANT:

LA LIGA:
SERIE A:
BUNDESLIGA:
LIGUE 1:

CHAMPIONSHIP WINNER:
CHAMPIONSHIP 2ND + PLAYOFF WINNERS:
LEAGUE ONE WINNER:
LEAGUE ONE 2ND + PLAYOFF WINNERS:
LEAGUE TWO WINNER:
LEAGUE TWO 2ND, 3RD + PLAYOFF WINNERS:

Some miserablist will moan about the timing of this.

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Rasmus Hojlund.

Football league starts again in less than a week

CHAMPIONS: Citeh
CL QUALIFIERS: Chelsea, Liverpool, United
RELEGATED: Everton, Sheff United, Wolves
SURPRISE PACKAGES: Villa
SURPRISE STRUGGLERS: Arsenal
BEST SIGNINGS: That goalie that United have just signed looks quite a bit of good value fun for all of us
TURKEYS: Mason Mount
FIRST SACKING/DEPARTURE: be someone weird like Thomas Frank
BIGGEST ANNUAL WIG LOSS (CLUB): Arsenal when the photographer gets sacked
MANAGER OF THE YEAR: Kompany
PLAYER OF THE YEAR: De Bruyne
TOP SCORER: Haaland
FA CUP: Citeh
LEAGUE CUP: Citeh
CHAMPIONS LEAGUE: Bayern (if they get Kane) if not Real Madrid
EUROPA LEAGUE: United
CONFERENCE LEAGUE: Villa

GENERAL BIG SHOUTS

Saudi league to implode

Messi to announce he wants Phil Neville back as coach.

A vast cavern of gold is found under the Nou Camp this is still not enough to pay off Barcelona’s debts.

Luton announce mid season they are going to move to stadium MK as they are sick of the entrance meme and Paddy Power claim Kenilworth Road is the enterance to Luton Airport

Winners: The House of saud
Losers: Other teams

CHAMPIONS: City
CL QUALIFIERS: Liverpool, Arsenal, Man Utd, Spurs
RELEGATED: Luton, Everton, Sheffield Utd
SURPRISE PACKAGES: Burnley
SURPRISE STRUGGLERS: Chelsea
BEST SIGNINGS: Maddison
TURKEYS: Havertz
FIRST SACKING/DEPARTURE: Cooper
BIGGEST ANNUAL WIG LOSS (CLUB): Chelsea
MANAGER OF THE YEAR: Pep
PLAYER OF THE YEAR: De Bruyne
TOP SCORER: Kane
FA CUP: Spurs
LEAGUE CUP: City
CHAMPIONS LEAGUE: City
EUROPA LEAGUE: Roma
CONFERENCE LEAGUE: Aston Villa

I’ll do mine a bit later, but the only thing I’m absolutely sure of is Liverpool for the title.

I actually think they will too, annoyingly

City are going to walk it and everyone knows it.

Don’t forget, lads, that it’s top 5 that qualifies for CL this season.

CHAMPIONS: Arsenal
CL QUALIFIERS: City, Liverpool, United
RELEGATED: Wolves, Luton, Sheffield United
SURPRISE PACKAGES: Chelsea, Spurs
SURPRISE STRUGGLERS: Fulham, Newcastle
BEST SIGNINGS: Havertz, Kovacic, Maddison
TURKEYS: Tonali, Spurs and Brentford’s new keepers have mayo/lettuce potential
FIRST SACKING/DEPARTURE: Lopetegui
BIGGEST ANNUAL WIG LOSS (CLUB): Everton probably
MANAGER OF THE YEAR: Lego Man
PLAYER OF THE YEAR: I dunno I guess if arsenal win the league it’ll be Odegaard or Saka
TOP SCORER: Haaland
FA CUP: City
LEAGUE CUP: City
CHAMPIONS LEAGUE: City
EUROPA LEAGUE: idk Sevilla
CONFERENCE LEAGUE: Bodo if not Glimt maybe

Still a lot of potential transfers that could have a massive effect. Obviously if Kane stays being the main one.
My general bigopinions are that Chelsea and Spurs will struggle initially but will both have fairly coherent systems by the end of the season and 6/7/8th would be ok for Spurs. I think both will be playing decent attacking football by the end of the season and will finish strongly.

Arsenal should be winning the league, having strengthened and splashed the cash. City also looking a lot weaker with Mahrez and Gundogan especially going to be big misses. Kovacic will probably slot straight in and be brilliant though. I’m also predicting City to be fucking annoying and win everything else but the league and saving us all from unbearable Arsenal fans. I suppose Arsenal might struggle with Europe and the league (which I think will be Newcastle, Villa and Brighton’s downfall).

I guess Wolves or Everton, maybe Fulham without Mitrovic could struggle but other than Burnley I think the promoted sides will be heading straight down.

CHAMPIONS: Man City
CL QUALIFIERS: Man U, Chelsea, Arsenal
RELEGATED: Luton, Wolves, Sheff Utd
SURPRISE PACKAGES: Brentford (top 7)
SURPRISE STRUGGLERS: Palace
BEST SIGNINGS: dunno, Wesley, Maddison, Ryan Giles
TURKEYS: Onana
FIRST SACKING/DEPARTURE: Moyes
BIGGEST ANNUAL WIG LOSS (CLUB): always Spurs
MANAGER OF THE YEAR: big Ange
PLAYER OF THE YEAR: de Bruyne
TOP SCORER: Kane
FA CUP: Man U
LEAGUE CUP: Man City
CHAMPIONS LEAGUE: Man City
EUROPA LEAGUE: Sevilla
CONFERENCE LEAGUE: Fiorentina

GENERAL BIG SHOUTS: Klopp gone by january, VAR causes some sort of interminable legal battle after a big decision goes wrong in a big match

CHAMPIONS: Man City
CL QUALIFIERS: Arsenal, Liverpool, Man Utd, Newcastle
RELEGATED: Bournemouth, Fulham, Everton
SURPRISE PACKAGES: Luton
SURPRISE STRUGGLERS: Spurs
BEST SIGNINGS: Szoboslai
TURKEYS: Don’t know
FIRST SACKING/DEPARTURE: Some twat
BIGGEST ANNUAL WIG LOSS (CLUB): Spurs
MANAGER OF THE YEAR: Luton manager
PLAYER OF THE YEAR: Haaland
TOP SCORER: Haaland
FA CUP: Liverpool
LEAGUE CUP: Liverpool
CHAMPIONS LEAGUE: Man City
EUROPA LEAGUE: Wigan
CONFERENCE LEAGUE: Wigan

Not necessarily.

Two places in the expanded 2024/2025 CL will go to teams from the two countries that have the highest coefficient score during the previous season (=2023/2024).

While England finished top two in 4 of the 5 previous seasons, there is no guarantee that this will happen again.

CHAMPIONS: Man City
CL QUALIFIERS: Man Utd, Liverpool, Arsenal
RELEGATED: Burnley, Wolves, Sheffield United
SURPRISE PACKAGES: Crystal Palace, Luton
SURPRISE STRUGGLERS: Fulham, Brighton
BEST SIGNINGS: Gvardiol if it happens, Rice, Onana
TURKEYS: Maddison, Havertz
FIRST SACKING/DEPARTURE: Lopetegui
BIGGEST ANNUAL WIG LOSS (CLUB): Chelsea
MANAGER OF THE YEAR: Pep or Ten Hag
PLAYER OF THE YEAR: Bukayo Saka
TOP SCORER: Haaland
FA CUP: Man Utd
LEAGUE CUP: Aston Villa
CHAMPIONS LEAGUE: Real Madrid
EUROPA LEAGUE: Celtic
CONFERENCE LEAGUE: idk, Lille maybe?

GENERAL BIG SHOUTS: Kompany goes to the next top half team to sack their manager, Burnley down by Easter. Luton, Forest and Fulham still in the relegation fight on the last day. Everton have the most boring season known to man and finish 14th or something.

---- + IF YOU WANT:

LA LIGA: Barcelona
SERIE A: Napoli
BUNDESLIGA: Bayern
LIGUE 1: PSG

CHAMPIONSHIP WINNER: Leicester
CHAMPIONSHIP 2ND + PLAYOFF WINNERS: Sunderland, Southampton
LEAGUE ONE WINNER: Derby
LEAGUE ONE 2ND + PLAYOFF WINNERS: Bolton, Reading
LEAGUE TWO WINNER: Bradford City
LEAGUE TWO 2ND, 3RD + PLAYOFF WINNERS: Doncaster, Swindon, MK Dons

CHAMPIONS: Man City
CL QUALIFIERS: Man Utd, Liverpool, Chelsea
RELEGATED: Luton, Wolves, Sheffield
SURPRISE PACKAGES: Bournemouth, Villa, Burnley
SURPRISE STRUGGLERS: West Ham
BEST SIGNINGS: Rice, Tonali, Barnes, Kerkez
TURKEYS: Havertz
FIRST SACKING/DEPARTURE: Lopetegui
BIGGEST ANNUAL WIG LOSS (CLUB): West Ham
MANAGER OF THE YEAR: Emery
PLAYER OF THE YEAR: De Bruyne
TOP SCORER: Haaland
FA CUP: Villa
LEAGUE CUP: Man City
CHAMPIONS LEAGUE: Real Madrid
EUROPA LEAGUE: West Ham
CONFERENCE LEAGUE: Villa

GENERAL BIG SHOUTS: Villa to be really good, West Ham to be utterly shit, but still finish about 16th. Brentford to struggle. Massive gap between the top half of the table and the bottom.

You’ve got to have a bit more faith in your team, ffs.

CHAMPIONS: Man City
CL QUALIFIERS: Arsenal, Liverpool, Man United
RELEGATED: Bournemouth, Luton, West Ham
SURPRISE PACKAGES: Aston Villa
SURPRISE STRUGGLERS: Spurs
BEST SIGNINGS: Rice, Nkunku, Tonali
TURKEYS: Szoboszlai, Onana, Solomon
FIRST SACKING/DEPARTURE: Lopetegui
BIGGEST ANNUAL WIG LOSS (CLUB): Spurs
MANAGER OF THE YEAR: Pep
PLAYER OF THE YEAR: Haaland
TOP SCORER: Haaland
FA CUP: Arsenal
LEAGUE CUP: Man City
CHAMPIONS LEAGUE: Real Madrid
EUROPA LEAGUE: Liverpool
CONFERENCE LEAGUE: Albion Rovers

GENERAL BIG SHOUTS: Mudryk to be really good, Ange not to last the season, Arsenal to get shafted by officials every week.

Still waiting for my prize for predicting everything correctly last season

CHAMPIONS: Man City
CL QUALIFIERS: City, Newcastle, Liverpool
RELEGATED: Bournemouth, Burnley, West Ham
SURPRISE PACKAGES: Sheffield
SURPRISE STRUGGLERS: Brighton
BEST SIGNINGS: Tonali, Kovacic, Mount
TURKEYS: Not sure
FIRST SACKING/DEPARTURE: Steve Cooper
BIGGEST ANNUAL WIG LOSS (CLUB): Spurs
MANAGER OF THE YEAR: Heckingbottom
PLAYER OF THE YEAR: Haaland
TOP SCORER: Haaland
FA CUP: Arsenal
LEAGUE CUP: Arsenal
CHAMPIONS LEAGUE: Bayern
EUROPA LEAGUE: Atalanta
CONFERENCE LEAGUE don’t know what that is
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