A new rolling thread where we talk about something we know nothing about but as if we’re actually an expert on the subject. Second up: Boats

If anything lighthouses are too bright these days.

3 Likes

My second mate is giving the first mate a real run for their money. Anyone got any experience in managing a situation like this?

2 Likes

Does anyone here actually bother cleaning their barnacles off the hull? Waste of time if you ask me.

2 Likes

People often wonder why boats don’t sink, even the heavy ones. It’s because the heaviness of the boat compresses the water down, which pushes back against the weight of the boat. The heavier the boat the higher it actually sits on the water, so a very large boat is actually more likely to tip over than sink.

There’s no such thing as a poopdeck pal, we just made it up to mug off landtwats like you. And it’s not swabbing, it’s mopping. You don’t swab your kitchen floor do you? Idiot.

Getting really fed up with the crew using the plank as a diving board.

1 Like

does this mean if you have a sufficiently heavy boat, you can fly?

That’s basically a plane - a very heavy boat.

5 Likes

Most people think that boats are only referred to as “she” and are actually inanimate objects. However, this is not the case - boats really are female. The ovaries are one of the most important parts of any boat. Remember - never offend a boat by calling her “it”.

11 Likes

It’s a ship, not a boat.

I mean, she’s a ship, not a boat.

3 Likes

With a boat you want to treat them really badly: swerving near buoys, clonking seals, scraping their undercarriages, y’know that sort of bastard stuff. But every now and again drive them through the car wash, buy em a new car smell hanging set of dice and tell em you love em. That way they’ll respect ya.

2 Likes

If you put the heaviest boat on a wet treadmill, it will indeed fly

5 Likes

Did you know the term ‘son of a gun’ comes from children born on naval ships? They used to take women out with them and if a child was born and they didn’t know who the father was they would be listed in the ships log as the, ‘son of a gun.’

Not with my crew though. On my ship we abide by the ‘Seven Cs’ - consent and contraception (I know that’s only two but seven sounds better).

2 Likes

Check out ole “I drive my boat through the car wash” over here! Starting to think he doesn’t own a boat at all.

Unless it’s one of those submersible car things, in which case I whole-heartedly apologise.

You cannot patronise the captain! That is sea law!

1 Like

“Capsize” is actually something that refers to the size of a cap

4 Likes

The whole thing about international waters being outside of the law is a myth - at sea you fall under the jurisdiction of Poseidon, who’s puritanical laws are actually far more strict than those enforced by most nation states.

8 Likes

1 Like

The Bermuda Triangle isn’t actually a mysterious area where ships disappear, it’s where the kraken feasts on iron and human flesh.

2 Likes

moisten the hisenmast!

4 Likes