A reluctant thread about Harry Potter (in 2017) - Chat Permitted

Went to see FB3 Dumbledore last night. It’s better than the last one but it’s still a mess. Jude Law and Mads can’t save it. By the end the plot has essentially not developed at all since the end of the first film too. They should not do five films, they can easily finish it off at the next one.

Anecdotally, even my friend who is completely HP mad (still listens to the audiobooks to fall asleep) isn’t that interested in this. Think they’ve fucked it.


It is crackers how quickly they’ve fucked this. Anecdotally I knew loads of people who went to see the first one, not sure I’ve heard a single person mention the second or third outside of reading articles and comments about how fucked it is.

Tbh, I’m not sure anyone really cared about the first one that much either at the time and was just going along cos it was a new HP thing. Relying on people caring about a load of characters not mentioned in the original books and films tangentially related to the existing universe seems like a mistake.


every time i saw a poster for the second one my brain changed it to The Crimes of Grumblewand, which is a much better name and now every time i read grimblewald (??? genuinely can’t remember) my brain just reads it as grumblewand anyway


its me

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They went for full prequel.

It didn’t work.

They now should go for a series set during the first magical war against voldemort featuring the original order of the pheonix

Then I truly can say that its a series I want to see but fuck it because Rowling is a cunt

I think the central issue is the way they tried to combine what seem like two ideas:

Fantasic Beasts - a throwaway in-universe book from the original books, which could be turned into any kind of light-hearted CGI heavy family friendly fare

The Crimes of Whatever - a Dark and Gritty exploration of HP lore involving the wizard equivalent of WWII aimed at older readers / viewers.

You can understand why they tried to lash the two together - something for the kids, something for aged-up HP fans - but they fundamentally don’t work in the same property. The whole thing was a mess from the beginning.

I think there’s still tonnes that will probably be mined from the books for more content though. A Ted Lasso esque docu-comedy about the Chudley Cannons. A police procedural about the Aurors. An order of the phoenix origin story, like you said. Just needs WB to get its act together, but as shown with the DC stuff and Dark Universe stuff, they just suck at it.


Had literally no idea that Fantastic Beasts film had anything to do with Harry Potter.

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Yeah we’ve reached a point of such stagnation in mainstream culture that some of its movies absolutely bombing and the creator becoming so toxic some Hollywood types will no longer work with her is not enough to kill a behemoth like Harry Potter. Franchises like that can no longer fail, they can only be failed, and it literally doesn’t matter if everyone’s sick to the back teeth with it, the remaining studios are all in on them and pretty much nothing else.

Not dissimilar to NFTs and the tech sector in fact

They should just do what Disney have done with SW and retreat to streaming services where you can churn out endless TV shows on the same theme for a smaller budget and never have to actually share your audience figures.

Would be fine with Marvel going the same way but it seems like even utter dross like Eternals still makes bank.

I mean this would have been the no brainer instead of trying to shoehorn the horrors of World War 2 into an adaptation of a Red Nose Day tie in book, right


i know what are the fucking thinking. it’s like “why did wizards not stop WWII” is a question that isn’t a good one to align your magical series against, because either they helped to WIN the war, which makes a bit of a mockery on the whole great war and the millions who died, or you have a justification that says they didn’t help and that’s worse

it’s why the red skull in WW2 was neatly a side story, and whilst HITLER was involved the distance that was kept was nice


Ofc this is par for the course with any major motion picture these days, but it does make me wonder how much of the gay relationship is actually included if it’s only a 6 second cut required. Will report back in a few weeks if there is a HD torrent

God remember the gay kiss in star wars 9 that was there for all of 3 seconds so it could be taken out. Why even bother

Dumbledore is openly gay within the film. There are several references to him having been in love with Grindelwald throughout.

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It’s good she finally included that detail after 20 years, I suppose. Feels bad to congratulate her on… Anything

Only a matter of time before we finally see Jude Law have a massive shit in the school corridor


Seems cheap to mention that detail as lore and then not show it in the film to avoid scaring the prudes

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Imagining a like Harry Potter Special Edition rerelease

HARRY POTTER: Dumbledore, there is no time to lose


HARRY POTTER: Hagrid is in trouble in the forest because of that fucking spider

DUMBLEDORE: wait a moment

(They stop, Harry reaction shot from elsewhere in the film)


a hologram of Hayden Christensen winces at the sight

DUMBLEDORE: go ahead hafry i will catch up


Unrequited gay longing for a fascist? Now THAT’S representation!


My youngest (14) has seen it and her verdict was ‘it happened’ with a shrug. Makes no sense but looks very pretty apparently. She was a huge HP fan back in the day but has fallen out of love hard in recent years and only went to see it cos it was an outing with mates.

Fwiw, having seen the first two my thoughts are

  • one of the huge benefits of tying the first six hp books to the school calender is that it gives them a structure. Magic is crazy and chaotic and that’s fun but tying it to something predictable and structured helps to ground it. Yeah anything can happen but it has to happen around Christmas holidays and summer exams. The FB films (and HP7) lacked this structure and grounding and suffered as a result.

  • America. Why does it have to be America? So many mainstream blockbusters are set in America and America of WW2 and the 50s is well mined territory. The Uk boarding school setting gave HP something fun and different, more ‘relatable’ for Uk kids and perhaps more exotic for US audiences. No idea why the decision was taken to shift the franchise to the states but i don’t think it does it any favours personally.

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It’s just a reflection on how poor JKR’s politics are that I think her entire notion here was that the ‘wizard war’ will be alongside WW2 where it’s war to avoid Grindelwald deciding to take over the Muggles and enslave/exterminate all of them? Dunno, not seen the new one so I can’t comment if it makes any of that clearer or not.

It’s a good world for being expanded up just a terrible period to pick, as you say.

I recall reviews being favourable for the first one but I think the Depp stuff had already started when it came out because I seem to recall a bunch of “apart from that reveal” comments and subsequent points that they could really easily recast him for this next movie because his role had been so tiny no one would really care.

FB2 definitely got a huge number of negative reviews. Personally I thought they were both pretty poor films because they were so messy, but I did enjoy the characters in the first film. The second one seemed so weighed down with grim political bullshit as well as just sort of wholesale recreating the infiltration and escape from Gringotts that it fell wildly flat.