A thread for sporting hypotheticals

Please propose a hypothetical sporting wager and let’s see how people fancy their chances.

I’ll start:

You have to play a round of golf - a full 18 holes - against Rory McIlroy. However, while he plays the full course, you begin each hole at the edge of the green furthest from the hole.

Who wins?

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If it’s me, he does. If my short game was as good as my approach play and driving then I would.

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You have to play a match of tennis against anyone in the top 20.

Would you win a single game?

lol no


Would this change if you got to start from the edge of the green closest to the hole?

9 penalties against Jordan Pickford.
Score 5, you win


Absolutely not.

Even if they had to play with their non-dominant hand.

Even if they were on one leg.

I think I might be able to beat McIlroy in that circumstance.

I’ve played pitch and putt a few times and didn’t take more than four putts once I was on a green, usually two.

100m race against Usain Bolt but he has to run backwards. Who wins?

10 penalties against a top class keeper, Buffon or De Gea someone like that. How many are you scoring?

Nah, my putting is truly shit, friend.

Reckon I could get 5 past him if I could somehow guarantee that my nine were all on-target, would be more concerned by blazing them over than them being saved

Literally no chance

You know, I think Bolt would probably take me in that. I am not a fast human being.

A better challenge would be, would you even return a serve.


Yeah, I think the ability of the goalkeeper would matter less than my ability to get it on target.

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You’re boxing Anthony Joshua but he’s only allowed 1 swing per round. If it misses, or is blocked, that’s his lot. Fancy your chances?

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£50 on me vs bolt

I have done that (admittedly it wasn’t a super fast serve…)

absolutely not. Wouldn’t be able to cause him any bother whatsoever, he would knock out (probably literally kill) any of us if he landed