I’d just run him over at the starting line to make sure

you’re in the dressing room with dion dublin after a game. would you take a shower or just make up some excuse and leave?

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I reckon Hoogy would get the best out of Zaha and Benteke though

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3-point competition with steph curry (but he’s got knives and forks instead of fingers)

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Isn’t Alli like 6’2? Either way I’d probably fancy my chances here

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Doubles match, you and Federer vs the u15s Wimbledon champions

We’d win that easily

how about you’ve had 8 pints and a load of acid, he’s straight but has to do the whole thing in reverse

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You’re appointed Everton manager for the 2017/18 season (and won’t be sacked until next summer at the earliest). Do you
a) Qualify for Europe
b) Finish mid-table
c) Get relegated.

Finish mid-table I reckon.

15 frames of snooker with Michael Owen. How long could you resist the urge to go to town on him with the cue/snooker ball in a sock?

No Chance.
If i saw a reversing while on acid i’d think they were coming towards me and i was going the wrong way so i’d do a Uey and end up going the wrong way round

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Think I’d end up leaving of my own accord considering what dire babymen footballers invariably turn out to be. I could deal with silly last minute equalisers but one complaint about chicken nuggets or something would just send me over the edge.

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You v Hoy, he’s on a your childhood Raleigh Chopper, you’re on his bike. You have to do two laps of the velodrome, he does one, who wins?

re-run of WWII but Churchill, Roosevelt, Stalin, De Gaulle and all the top generals on the allies side are replaced by you and your choice of disers.

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Alright Slayer

On his fixed gear bike? By the time I’d got it up to a decent speed he’d already be finished

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Don’t reckon I’d be able to get an olympic sprinter’s bike moving. Their gear ratios are fucking daft

Diving Competition against Tom Daley who has necked 8 pints of warm Kronenbourg, done an A4 sheet of smilers and has a diving board made out of the falling letter stones from Indiana Jones and the Last Crusade.

Who’d getter better marks?

Triple Jump vs Christian Taylor, but he’s wearing crocs