A thread to ask Theo questions about the day-to-day minutia of his life in Australia

[anon76851889]

Also, what will the time be in New York when you answer these?

[Tuna]

Hi theo, my supervisor has told me that the collective noun for lots of kangaroos is a mob. Can you please confirm, thanks

[jordan_229]

Hi Theo! first time reader, long time caller.

Do Walkabout bars in Australia serve English food?

[1101010]

found a good curry place that delivers to you yet?

Yes indeed. Last night’s was great.

Are Tim Tams actually popular there?

Wildly. They have loads of varieties. They all taste like Penguins, i.e. they taste of being bullied at school.

Q: What’s the biggest spider you’ve seen? NO PHOTOS.

Nothing big actually

Have you heard anyone use the adjective ‘bogan’ yet?

Yes for sure. Someone said we use ‘chav’ but I had to explain it had died down thankfully.

[1101010]

Hey Theo, what’s the name of your local supermarket in Australia?

It’s an IGA, which seems to be a sort of Aussie version of Costcutter/Londis but the prices are actually low.

Q: Have you ever seen an Australian postman? If so, what was his name and was it Bruce?

Many times but don’t know his name. They have very large rounds here because most properties are big bungalows, hence they all drive mopeds. Everyone’s post box is on their fence so he just drives down the pavement.

I think it’s bad they haven’t swapped to electric cycles.

[1101010]

Can’t recall. Not too long ago - was to wait for my wife so the girl got to look at ACMI. Flinders Street station doesn’t count right?

[Scagden]

Theo, do you feel like Ringo Starr in that simpsons’ episode where he painstakingly replies to all of his fan mail?

[1101010]

Hey Theo, what are the names of the hosts of the radio breakfast show you probably have on in the morning in Australia?

I actually don’t know. Triple R is a community radio thing so it just gets in pretty unprofessional people a lot and/or unlikely ones.

However, I did see that Christian O’Connell who used to do the xfm breakfast show 15+ years back has just moved over to do the Gold 104.9 breakfast show here. That station is exactly what you would expect from one called “Gold”

[1101010]

Hey Theo do you listen to triple J? Is it any good?

We listen to Triple-R as we’re in Melbourne since it’s a bit more interesting than J - they played Tropical Fuck Storm this morning for example - but JJJ is not bad if you’re up in Queensland.

Q: What song do you hear most often?

I believe it’s a national requirement to play this at least twice a day on radio stations

Have you used the phrase ‘I feel on top of the world!’ yet?

No.

Q: What amp/voltage are plug sockets in Australia?

Same as ours but there are no fuses in their plugs and their plugs are round and bit weird as if a someone combined a European, UK and US plug.

Hi theo, have you driven into a kangaroo yet?

No.

How close is your nearest observatory?

I do not know, sorry.

[1101010]

Have you said “dinkum” to anyone?

No.

Are your children starting to speak with a slight Australian accent?

She is, although the most horrible thing is that basically all Australians mispronounce H as ‘haitch’ and it fucking does my head in when she says that I always correct her but the sad fact is she’ll probably grow up to say it wrong now :’(

[1101010]

Q: What English stuff there is really common? Other than prisoners. Like, you’d walk into a pub here and see Fosters, etc.

Q: does the Fosters taste different

I have never seen a Fosters in Australia. You barely see XXXX outside of Queensland.

Aussies have loads of really bland lagers, don’t worry.

Can you buy a toffee crisp anywhere? Nik naks?

Niknaks don’t exist here which leaves confusion over why the cat we adopted is called that. They didn’t strike me as a fan of bad Bond films so maybe just in the sense of being a Nick-nack? I have not seen Toffee Crisp I think but then it’s not my sort of chocolate bar. There is likely an analogue if you know what you’re looking for.

Q: Aussie Rules Football. Fucks that all about?

As well ask about any oval-ball-based sport going under the misnomer of football.

Have you got a spare room?

See my previous response to @hip_young_gunslinger - I am not a fan. Penguins were a biscuit I had often at school in packed lunches so I don’t really have any reason to still like them.

Have you got a spare room?

Yes, the place we rent is pretty large. 'Straya, mate.

[1101010]

Q: When you microwave your Uncle Ben’s Mexican Style Rice to go with your home-made Chili Con Carne, what way round does the dish turn in the microwave?

No microwave.

Q: Do you have a clock or watch set to UK time so you can think about those you abandoned back here?

I still work for the UK part of my company so I have left my work laptop on UK time hence I know it is 1.01 AM right now.

[1101010]

have you got sick of cooking all your food outside yet?

We do not have a Barbie.

Q: What did you get for Australian Christmas?

Some Uni-Qlo t-shirts and a Monster Manual. Probably some other clothing? I don’t really recall.

have you instantly acquired a group of 4 or 5 pub going, truck owning ‘mates’ like in those brits moving to australia programmes?

No. Most of my mates here I met while I was in the UK. I have some mates who I play D&D with.

Have you been in a ute yet?

I don’t think so.

Q: Do you find yourself over-spending on things because it’s all foreign money and you don’t quite have the conversion automatically calculated in your head when you pay $98 for some petrol station flowers for the wife?

The real answer is that things are different sorts of prices so it’s really hard. Lots of cheap stuff but supermarket food is pricier across the board while eating out is cheaper than London.

[1101010]

@ttf

How are you finding Australia?

yeah, it’s fine.
It’s honestly not that different from the UK in so many ways.

@Matt_was_taken

How often do people comment on your accent?

No, although there are LOADS of Brits here and I tend to spot them after I’ve had a minute of chat and their accent suddenly rolls back in very quickly!

@Matt_was_taken

Is there an Aussie coop?

(I don’t think so.)

[1101010]

@Jamos

have you joined in a raucous pub rendition of john farnham’s you’re the voice yet?

No

@Jamos

have you put another shrimp on the barbie?

No (I don’t eat insects.)

@japes

does anyone actually like that shit flag

Yeah tonnes of people do but at least they fly the indigenous one a lot too which is good

@Richie_Ronco

what is a galah, are they big and have you seen one yet ?

They aren’t that big and yes I saw a flock of them not long back

@bugduv

Earliest tennants you can remember of each house on Ramsay Street please, @1101010

Mine…

22 - Paul Robinson
24 - Madge, Charlene and Henry
26 - Jim Robinson and Helen Daniels
28 - Karl and Susan Kennedy
30 - Toadie
32 - Joe Mangel and Bouncer

As I believe was established a while back, I do not know Neighbours at all because I think Soap Operas are basically the worst thing that telly has ever given us.

[1101010]

have you been to any of australia’s big things™ yet?

No

Q: How big is your sink?

Normal size.

Have you been tempted to rub your balls with sandpaper?

I… No…

Hey Theo, do you reckon if I put a letter in the post and paid for the international postage but just put TheoGB, Australia on the address that it might end up making its way to you?

Absolutely not.

What’s more dangerous; a kangaroo or an emu?

A kangaroo.

[1101010]

How common are chuzwozzas?

I have never heard of this.

What’s your Wi-fi speed?

Not that fast not that slow. No different to London really as I was never a fibre optic wanker.

Do all Australians start every sentence with “Awwwww… Look…” or is that just their cricketers?

Very common to start with ‘Look’, yes.

hi theo, long-time fan, first-time caller.

i’d simply like to know how you’re doing today? how’s australia treating you? how are you feeling about life in general?

thanks for your time

x

Yeah, cheers. it’s Cool x

[1101010]

Have you found the quality and price of computer accessories (usb cables, routers, memory sticks etc.) to be acceptable in Australia?

Not massively. Some is okay but there is not the online shopping thing here yet. It’s a fucking nightmare sometimes.

Moreover postage prices are often crazy so that if you find something cheap online it’s about the same price as walking into a shop when you add in postage.

Hey Theo, what’s your favourite Australian TV channel so far?

SBS is probably the best but we don’t have an aerial socket that works so it’s all off apps. Hence I can’t even watch Aussie Masterchef because - GET THIS - Channel 10 haven’t worked out how to add Chromecast to their app. Fucking stone age…

Q: What do you have magnet’d to your fridge?

I am not at home so I cannot respond to this with a picture. There’s a lot though.

who are you’re favourite and least favourite australian media personalities you’ve discovered since moving out there?

Barely watched TV enough to make a comment but I like the guy who does Hard Quiz

[1101010]

Q: Now that you’re 10 hours ahead of us, can you tell us what I had for breakfast tomorrow morning?

Nine hours. We have daylight saving time in Victoria.

why are all the Skype calls I have with Australian colleagues at work so rubbish and keep dropping out? are you able to turn the Australian internet off then on again for me?

Skype for Business has never been able to do a good video call.
However, I have twice done perfect long skype video calls between Melbourne and London. Maybe you are contacting somewhere NBN doesn’t exist yet?

are you going to go to the super showdown at the mcg? the main event is the undertaker vs hhh for the last time ever!

No.

@1101010 have you called anyone a gutless wonder or indeed a wutless gunder yet?

No.

Q: Does Australia have cows and have you seen any with your own eyes today or is it all a lie?

Yes, they have cows. They love eating beef. I have seen cows.

Hi @1101010,

Long time reader, first time questioner. I have two questions.

1 - have you hugged a koala yet?
B - why was hugging a koala not the first thing you did in Australia?

No I haven’t ever hugged one. Apparently their fur is quite tough and TBH it just never really appealed.

Hey Theo, what time is it in Australia?

nine hours ahead (10.20am)

[1101010]

Hi theo, my supervisor has told me that the collective noun for lots of kangaroos is a mob. Can you please confirm, thanks

I have no idea and would have to Google.

Hi Theo! first time reader, long time caller.

Do Walkabout bars in Australia serve English food?

I have never seen a Walkabout here so you are safe.

I can tell you that Brewdog and Beavertown beers are very popular down here.