#39

I posted quite a lot at the start of the year about my health anxiety and the impact of an escalating pandemic on that, which was exacerbated by a period of high intensity work which was supporting our response to the pandemic and mostly involved worst case scenarios (how do we deal with an outbreak on a ship and re-planning / communicating itineraries where they were in Asia, Australia etc). Basically during March I totally lost it, spent every day obsessing about my own and my families death and consuming every piece of Covid related information. When lockdown was announced I was ecstatic and the first six weeks were probably the most mentally ‘stable’ I’ve been for years - people I work with asked why I was so calm and I had to tell them…because I’ve spent three months locked in to the worst case scenarios and preparing for them.

About a month ago we started going out to ‘busier’ places, not in close contact but for walks and actually going in to the supermarket again and can definitely feel my mental health deteriorating again. We saw some friends a few weeks ago for a socially distanced chippy tea on the beach and I spent two weeks counting down symptom free days until I felt ‘safe’ again. The kid is back at nursery from today and they’ve been great - really clear plans in place and are acting in as safe and controlled a way as they can but it’s another slip away from the control over potential exposure I had before and…doesn’t feel great. Still hate going to the shop when I have to and am leaning hard on the home delivery / click and collects. Still nope-ing out of situations even outside where it feels too busy. Absolutely dreading having to go back to the office which is planned for September. The in laws are coming down this weekend and I don’t want them in the house even though it’s ‘allowed’ and we think they’ve already had Covid so probably even less risk but still having a mild freakout about the whole thing.

TL:DR - I want to be around people even less than before lockdown.

#40

Our playparks are open again. On Monday is was tipping it down here and we were the only ones at the park, and I was wiping everything down with rubbing alcohol (in the rain. Lol.)

Yesterday was a sunny day and there about forty trillion kids at the park and they were all hugging and wrestling and there was no rubbing alcohol. I was strangely ok with it.

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#41

have always felt like this

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#42

I think you should try to ease yourself back in gently with a few walks and then a quick trip to a shop. Otherwise I can imagine going straight back to the office would be traumatic.

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#43

I was a neurotic mess at the start of lockdown but have massively relaxed in the last 4-6 weeks. Spending time in other people’s company has massively helped - it’s reminded me I’m not going to spontaneously combust by being in other people’s vicinity. I think people living alone were probably hardest hit because enforced a long time you had absolutely no one around you and having people anywhere near you just felt like a huge risk.

In 3 weeks I’m due to spend 2 days and nights in Liverpool, staying in a hotel and working in a hospital - that’ll be fun, eh?

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#44

This exactly describes my other half. She’s more anxious than me anyway, and maybe I don’t feel quite the same way because I’m the one who’s been popping out when we’ve run out of milk or bread.

I guess it doesn’t help that because there’s no news, the news there is can be about people breaking lockdown rules, which means you want to go out even less, when actually what’s happened is that there’s been one incident involving some kids which wouldn’t have been reported on a year earlier.

Like @anon32406580 said, the risks now are so much lower than they were when lockdown started. Most people are social distancing, many are wearing masks, people are more aware of things, and also the number of cases is significantly lower. It’s definitely no time to be going back to normal, but getting out somewhere where you know it’ll be quiet has been helpful for us here.

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#46

I do know what you mean, but anyone who’s worked at a retail or in NHS or school or whatever throughout this must be at the ‘sod this’ stage now, so fully understandable

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#47

If I’d been working in a shop or a hospital for the last 3 months, I’d be bloody glad of a beer garden opening up right now.

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#48

are you expecting that to go ahead/would you try to contest it?

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#49

Sure, and it’s not meant in a judgemental way. They’re entitled to do what they want and it’s permitted by the guidelines. Just seems extra risky that they’re in this position of being a major vector for transmission (obvs not their fault and great they’ve continued to work in very difficult circumstances) of the virus and are raring to get pissed in public. Dunno, maybe I’m being too pessimistic, but I can’t see social distancing playing out well once people have had a few.

Edit: and tbf, if I worked in a school I’d probably need to get pissed every night just to survive.

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#50

I don’t particularly have a choice really - if it’s allowed then I’d essentially be refusing to do my job and that’s not a particularly good look 2 months into a new job with a very ruthless company

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#51

I have found when I’ve been out at the shops and been running and things that people are a lot more confrontational and quick to anger. I don’t think it’s me. I hope it isn’t me, but I’ve had several alterations over the last couple of months, of varying degrees of severity of course.

(Hello, had a week off from here for the first time in a million years. It was nice)

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#52

But I also feel extremely on edge and agitated when I’m out and that I’m expecting something bad to happen, so maybe it just attracts it? Idk.

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#53

Yeah I’ve been feeling this too. Have left the house very few times over lockdown (also have a garden) and literally did not see another person other than family I live with until last week when we went to sit in my mother-in-law’s garden. I definitely wont be going to a supermarket/shop, restaurant, pub or getting on any public transport any time soon. I’m trying to incorporate some socially distanced outdoors activities like having friends round to sit in the garden at the weekend but that’s it. I still worry about myself or my family getting covid.

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#55

Some anxieties but not too bad on balance. Felt some pangs of this last week so’ve been challenging myself over and over on it. Locking down was very hard and unnatural. There’s no reason why re-socialising yourself wouldn’t feel bad too.

What’s been worse is that I seem to have become really irritable with strangers now, I’m just very angry at everyone.

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#56

Been saying this for the past few months.

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#57

A lot of people have said and summed up my feelings as well, think we’re all in the same boat on everything.

Went to look at a house at the weekend (it was empty, we wore masks and gloves, so did the estate agent) and went to look at cars (mine is on its last legs, again, wore masks/gloves) and both experiences felt… weird? As if I’d never done them before and I felt so anxious, like I shouldn’t have been doing them? :frowning: But I just wanted to do something else, you know?

A friend is having a birthday gathering for her boyfriend next week and has invited more than the 6 household minimum thing of people and said “yeah, it’s fine, we’ll all social distance and stuff” and I know that’s bollocks, because a few drinks and they’ll all be hugging each other. Urgh. Plus, I know this person hasn’t been social distancing properly from the start of all this mess.

One thing I wanted to say, has anyone found it difficult to make eye contact or speak directly to people? I’m really, really struggling with it for some reason, even with my parents who I just want to hug, but I can’t and it’s really upsetting. :frowning:

Also, fuck going to the pub.

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#58

Mostly been alright with it, I wear a mask most times when I’m about and generally try and socially distance where possible. I think the one thing that has been new is a concern around particularly large gatherings which has kind of been an issue lately since due to lockdown requirements I ended up moving in with the TV and their housemates have been holding some fairly ridiculous parties the last one of which was actually shutdown by the police :grimacing:

I can see this being alright when the infection rate finally comes down but it’s been a bit tricky lately.

#59

Can’t face going outside. Not even corona worries, just how different and unfamiliar is unmanageable.

Health is suffering badly from being so sedentary and none of my attempts to get an exercise routine going really taking.

Wish I could do anything again :frowning:

#60

So, where is my head at with all of this? Been thinking about it a lot and I am largely ok/ not too mistrusting.

Went to a country estate with my son yesterday and it was as if covid had never happened with the exception of metred queues outside the cafe for ice-cream, which was operating as a takeaway. It’s set in a vast forest and didn’t feel unsafe despite there being hundreds of people there (it’s the summer holidays up here now.) It was actually really lovely and a wonderful bit of escapism.

Went to tesco last night and it was pretty busy, lots of people wearing masks (not many wearing them properly) but I didn’t feel unsafe. Cleaned hands and trolley befoe entering shop, cleaned hands before getting in car, still washing down/ quarantining shopping, altough my enthusiasm for this is dwindling.

I think the real test will be next week when scotland moves to phase 3. I have a hair appointment on the 17th and will probably go out for dinner at some point that weekend- I’m a bit wary but looking forward to it.

Our nursery isn’t going to reopen until August 13th- they’re legally allowed to open now but only with social distancing which would mean 100% staff for 50% pupils and that doesn’t work financially for them. so, only 37 sleeps, or something like that! He’s ready to go back now (has been for some time) and unless there’s a dramatic second spike then i’ll be waving him off on the 13th without a single hesitation.

The things I’m a bit reserved about going back to are long train journeys, and the gym. I just can’t see how these can be made safe given the lack of space/ circulating air and risk of aerosol spread (unless re train- they add extra carriages so people can spread out (masks are already compulsory but people need to learn to keep them on their faces!!), and re gym, everyone wears masks and machines are rigorously sprayed down between users. I can’t see how my spin studio will ever operate again until we have a vaccine or other major step towards controlling this. I suppose for me the gym is easily avoided (although I miss it, I have the kit at home and I run) but I can’t really avoid the train as my commute would be much harder by road.
So that is my current state of mind on this, and will probably change again after my trip out next weekend.