I’m going to be writing to David Attenborough this weekend asking him some hard-hitting questions about animals. You know, if such and such an animal is so great then why can’t they…etc
If I run out of questions (I haven’t thought of any just yet) I’m also happy to just slag various animals off and see what he’s got to say about that.
Let me know if you have any questions or animal insults.
Most of the big cats are a bit shit really, aren’t they?
You always see them chasing stuff on these programmes, but most the time they seem to come back empty handed. You can run at 60mph, massive teeth and claws, as agile as anything, but they consistently seem to get outmaneuvered by a fucking bison or something. Useless cunts, have a word.
I’m not going to list them all but people are always going on about how lovely birdsong is but most birds sound fucking terrible. Like really really bad.