#1141

She got a new “wireless” (her words) bra so I keep asking why I can’t see it on the network or connect to it by Bluetooth etc

8 Likes
#1142

Change the WiFi name to “X’s Bra”

8 Likes
#1143

The last 2 times we’ve had sex I’ve followed it up by playing Vienna by Ultravox. Requested through Alexa, whilst still in bed, naturally.

6 Likes
#1144

A few months ago she asked me to remind her to get stamps, so obviously I spent the rest of the day sending “stamps” to her by text, WhatsApp, email, semaphore etc every ten minutes or so.

We’ve got a pad of paper on the kitchen board thing that we use for shopping lists, so I started sneaking “stamps” on there in among the other stuff. She made fun of my handwriting and said it looked like “stomps” so now I write that instead. This has been going on for months now.

This weekend we went to PC World to get a bunch of cables for my desk setup. I made a list - USB 3.0 A extension cable, longer USB mini cable, longer kettle lead, longer printer cable, etc. We get there and a shop assistant helps me find the stuff, and we’re both looking at my handwritten list going down it and checking things off until we get to the bottom and neither of us can figure out what I’ve written.

“Longer stomps”

FUCK

20 Likes
#1145

In the shop in the departures area at an airport before a flight.

Her: “Do you want to get anything for the plane?”
Me pointing at hat: “I think it would look quite nice with that hat, what do you think?”

I’ve got about 67 different variations of that response ready to go.

11 Likes
#1146

Booting out a catflap at 3.30am

6 Likes
The Mystery of Catflap Dude (Pet Detectives assemble)
#1147

Just order chips from the takeaway then ponce some pizza off of the tv.

Tbf he calls it za so this is fair game right?

6 Likes
#1148

The other day Mrs F told me she though Brad Pitt was starting to look like Matt Damon as he gets older. I thought about this for a bit and then suggested that perhaps she was confusing “looking like” with “has now also done a film promo poster wearing a space suit”.

She’s sticking to her guns, but I’m enjoying bringing it up every now and again.

#1149

I impersonate her “catchphrase”, which she never says, in an accent (basically a generic northern falsetto) that sounds nothing like her.

4 Likes
#1150

I also maintain that it’s such an embedded catchphrase that “it’s all I ever bloody hear from you”.

“Ooooh, look at me…”

#1151

Every time she sees the actor Ron Perlman in a film/ on TV she says, “That’s Hellboy.”

My response is to insist that Ron Perlman is Ted Denson and that Ted Danson was Hellboy.

This conversation went on for ten minutes yesterday as she watched whatever that CCTV crime drama on BBC is called.

3 Likes
#1152

I can’t yawn at the moment because whenever i do, my bf exaggerated high pitched yawning noises (basically whale noises) to take the piss out of me and it makes me laugh so much it interrupts my yawn. He also applies this when i stretch, with the same result

8 Likes
valentines day looms
#1153

Girlfriend brings ironing board into living room.

Me: “going surfing?”

26 Likes
#1154

My current favourite is singing alternative versions of songs that she gets stuck in her head and starts singing my versions. For example, Tove Lo’s excellent jam, Bad As the Boys actually goes, ‘she’s just as bad as the boys, the bad apple boys’, then there’s Self Esteem songs that go, ‘you shit in my oven, i shit in your oven too’, and ‘what I might have with cheese’, or the Blink 182 song Blame it On My Youth that goes ‘Blaminy blaminy shibidooo’ etc. All very high brow fun.

6 Likes
#1155

I hate you.

3 Likes
#1156

:notes: Hello, Rui, real talk I’m gonna meet a baby :notes:

1 Like
#1157

I swear having this thread and the “what are DiS kids into” thread open at the same time would run the risk of turning me into an insane advocate for the nuclear family dynamic

4 Likes
#1158

Have started spelling out the titles of films and telly shows as she’s searching for them on Apple TV. Got to the first ‘e’ in The Wife’ the other day before she went nuts.

Film was shite though.

8 Likes
#1159

Doubled down and started saying ‘the wiiiiiife’ in a Borat style intermittently during the film but it backfired cos she found it quite funny which shows the level we’re operating at here.

11 Likes
#1160

I’ve agreed to give a talk at her workplace so am now putting together a list for my rider.

2 Likes