Are you lonely?

#1

Yeah me too.

Sometimes it’s alright being a loner and spending a lot of time by yourself but I do worry about what will happen when I get older.

Day to day I find easier as I’ve got older, doesn’t bother me too much to be out of touch with people and society that goes on around me but sometimes the realisation of just how old I am and how few connections I have to anything gives me a really sick feeling in my stomach. Mostly try to bury this feeling deep down and focus on the present though.

So yeah, if you are finding it tough being alone and feeling like life is leaving you behind then I understand :slight_smile:

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#2

also I understand that busy people/city people also feel loneliness in a different manner which also sucks

#3

:wave:

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#4

Only have six contacts on my phone and only two of them are people (both immediate family members).

I work full time in an office so I guess things could be worse, but I don’t socialise at all outside of work. I’ve never really been able to make friends though so guess I’m just doomed to loneliness.

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#5

I totally understand that it’s not really the same but you have friends on here! :slight_smile:

When you don’t have a network of people or experience in getting to know new people and the etiquette etc it seems impossible to put yourself out there or even to want to I find.

I hope you get comfort from your loving dog and all the nice countryside around you, always seems like your walks would be very relaxing and good for lifting your spirits.

Thanks for replying

#6

AC Grayling wrote that solitude is the physical absence of others and loneliness is the psychological absence of others. I like to think that I’m not lonely, but having a bit of solitude.

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#7

my main pal is moving away, pleased for them as they’ve got their first decent paid opportunity after years of voluntary and low paid youth work, but it is no exaggeration to say my social life hinges on them. do still have a few wider friend group friends in the area, but I have never been like a core member, only ever come invited through mutual friend, and i’ve known them too long that it would be weird to try and change that dynamic now. plus that wider group has shrunk in recent years, a couple of long term couples splitting up and people moving away. kind of looking as it as an opportunity, don’t really feel like the person I used to be but feel stuck in the intertia of people’s perceptions of me, but realistically know its not like i’m going to meet a new bunch of people at my age. even thought about doing some evening courses and things at the local arts centre, but think it will bring back memories of activities during school holidays where if I didn’t know someone already I remained the silent weirdo. just going to try and fill my time with hobbies and acuities. guess it could be worse, occasionally go to gigs with people in london, can visit brighton from time to time, but it does feel like the bleak era I knew was coming for a long time is now here, I will miss being in the pub on saturday nights

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#8

Yeah I have a similar situation with my best friend where most of my other friends are friends through him.

Wish it was seen as more ok or encouraged or something for older people to make new friends.

Sorry you are lonely too, hopefully your hobbies can keep you feeling fulfilled in different ways :slight_smile:

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#9

thanks, i’m kind of thinking of giving online dating a proper go, not because I want a relationship (dont think i’m capable) just seems like the only socially acceptable way of meeting new people at my age, seems a bit dishonest though unless I try and explain it on the profile, which would probably would not want to waste time with.

do know one person who lives about 10 minutes away, often talked about starting a surf goth band with him, but the problem is we are actually too similar, both very quiet, we both need the more outgoing mutual friend as a catalyst for our conversation

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#10

in terms of my social circle, no, not really. I’m naturally quite a solitary person, and tend to feel exhausted easily when I spend long periods of time around other people. Perfectly happy not seeing anyone for weeks at a time, and I can’t wait until I’m able to live alone. However, I’m really lucky to have lots of people in my life that I’d consider good pals, even though I tend to go off-grid a lot.

I am getting a bit lonely romantically now though. I sort of self imposed myself from the dating/relationships thing after me and my ex broke up 5 years ago (at that point, I’d been in and out of relationships for 6 years without a break and just felt exhausted by the commitment), and have just been seeing people ‘casually’ since then, nipping potential relationships in the bud before they developed into anything more serious.

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#11

yeah a relationship would be nice. Don’t have a hope in hell which is why I try not to think about it.

#12

you’re a lovely handsome bloke, mate.

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#13

I’m more lonely than some people and less lonely than others (lighthouse keepers and the like).

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#14

Yes, but its partly my fault. I’m horrible at keeping in touch and cant handle big group things often, which is how my friend group spends time together usually. Objectively i tell myself my friends still want to hang out with me because they actually like me but in my head i really don’t see why and am too embarrassed to just be like, why are u still friends with me when im like this??? Its a weird dynamic and a part of why i skip out on a lot of things with them. Luckily though its been about 14 years and we’re still friends. In terms of a partner, i really want to be in a romantic relationship but idek where to begin lmao it feels impossible. I have my family though and friends and cats and DiS, and im comfortable in my own company so have a lot to be thankful for :smiling_face_with_three_hearts:

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#15

Cheers matey and you too of course!

#16

my pals are a bit spread out these days, i’m regularly in contact with lots of them over the internet every day which is good. irl i quite like my own company a lot but sometimes i feel like i don’t get to hang out with other people as much as i’d like to and miss it a bit. random trips to the pub and the like.

got lots of social stuff on with pals over the next while though as lots of us are turning 30, have to travel home for a lot of them but been fun so far.

also lucky enough to have a couple of decent work friends so there’s a social aspect there

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#17

Im so bad at keeping in touch too! Sometimes can’t be bothered to charge my phone for 3 or 4 days.

Don’t think you will lose your friends after that long, so that’s great!

Sounds like you are in a good place mentally at the moment though which is lovely to see :slight_smile:

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#18

Yeah I definitely miss how easy it was to socialise and be part of a group when I was younger. Haven’t been to a pub with friends for ages.

Glad you’ve got plenty of stuff to keep busy with and having work friends must be pretty cool and make it easier to get through the day there too!

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#19
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#20

Yep, I am. I’ve got the best partner you could wish for, and her mates are properly great, but I’m a bit at a loss with having male friends. I don’t have anyone I’d be comfortable inviting to watch a film or anything, so that’s a bit odd.

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