Arguing with your other half

shouty
argumentative

#1

Do it much? We tend to get a bit shouty for a couple of minutes and then it’s forgotten about pretty quickly. The walls of our flat are paper thin so I always get a bit self-concious about making too much noise.


#2

Almost never. Probably a wee bit unhealthy, tbh.


#3

Nah man, fuck that shit #InternaliseAndSeethe4lyf


#4

Argue a bit, maybe slightly raised voices but not shouting. Never stay annoyed for more than an hour or so.

Guess this reached its peak during the sleepless new born era.


#5

Definitely piss each other off sometimes, but pretty good at talking/sorting stuff out. Wife occasionally gets a big monk on and sulks, I occasionally lose my rag.


#6

this ^ odd moment where there’s a giveaway in a crack in the voice and that usually stops the other one from further pursuing the argument. I’d say that happens once every 4/5 months. It’s pretty ace tbh


#7

In all seriousness, she’s good at verbalising whatever has pissed her off, getting it out of her system and then moving on. I am extremely bad at not verbalising what has pissed me off, adding it to an internal mental pile and then very, very rarely letting it all build to a point where I end up totally overreacting to an irrelevant and unrelated thing in a seemingly inexplicable way. I learned it all very well from my parents!


#8

We bicker a little bit, and I can usually tell when she wants to say something to me about something, but we’re fine pretty much all of the time.

We sometimes raise our voices a little, but it’s mainly in mock argument.


#9

^this, minus the implied pejorative being on the internaliser.

it’s received wisdom now that it’s better to talk about everything that annoys you and have it out in the open. I largely agree with this but it has it’s downsides. My wife and her siblings were brought up to be completely honest about their feelings, and it definitely helps most of the time, but they don’t half waste a lot of time confronting each other about pointless shit.


#10


#11

yeah. the rule should be ‘say something, but before you do give it an hour to see if you’re genuinely uncomfortable/pissed off/sad or if you’re just passing through a patch of annoyance.’


#12

Yeah


#13

Yeah, tbh most of the time it’s about stupid, pointless shit that isn’t worthy of an argument which is why I don’t bother but there is definitely a cumulative effect of doing this which isn’t healthy.

I’ve been with her family when they’ve all been having massive, blazing rows and it’s completely alien (and extremely uncomfortable) to me. There’s a happy medium somewhere I’m sure.


#14

Same. My wife’s Mediterranean so if there’s a problem, you sure as hell know about it. I’m not exactly an internaliser but basically think 95% of stuff genuinely isn’t worth getting het up about. She categorically does not have the same opinion on this.


#15

Debate a fair bit, but generally don’t have full on barneys. I don’t really like arguments, I think I’d struggle to be in a relationship with someone I regularly argued with.


#16

I might say something along the lines of ‘I will be back in a bit’ or ’ I need to sort that out soon’. It would seem my definition of soon and a bit are not the same as hers, so basically my fault for being a bit tardy!


#17

Rarely, but the pattern is (and has been acknowledged by both parties as being the case in a game of Mr & Mrs)

  1. She is annoyed at something I’ve done, normally trivial, and in place of the big thing (normally unrelated to me) that is on her mind.
  2. I’m annoyed that she’s annoyed because I’m DEFINITELY in the right
  3. I want to make up but she doesn’t
  4. I get annoyed about this
  5. She gets annoyed that I’m annoyed about her reaction
  6. Vice versa
  7. I apologise for my reaction
  8. n = n+1 If n < 5 Then Go back to 3 Else Go To 9 End If
  9. Make up

#18

“For FUCK’S sake, of course I’ll get the internet sorted! Stop going at me, you’re driving me up the fucking wall! It’s only been six weeks since I said I’d sort it. Fuck off.”


#19

Also, the French don’t do sarcasm. They hear it as someone just being mean, which it sort of is if you take it at face value. Once I discovered this, things got rapidly less tricky in patching things up fast.


#20

Yeah if in doubt a new eyeliner or some blusher will shut her up, unbelievable sexism mate.