#6

Mate, this is truly awful to a degree that none of us will be able to fathom. I can’t offer anything beyond genuine, heartfelt sympathy. This is a subject that we as a society need to wake up to. To force people to live in immense suffering is the definition of inhumane and I hope your Mum can find peace and an end to her pain.

As a community I have no idea whether anyone will be able to offer you any form of tangible advice but I know for a fact that you’ll always have somewhere to get things off your chest and many, many ears to vent to whenever you need them whether it’s on the forums or via DM or email or whatever, any time you need to speak we’ll be here.

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#7

Have you spoken with the doctors/carers about additional medication to ease things if she doesn’t have long left?

#8

Take care of yourself, mate.

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#9

Hi mate, I’m so sorry about the situation you’re in. I’ve dealt with loved ones suffering through terminal illness, and it’s the most unbearable thing in the world, even without this minefield on top of it. I don’t have any practical advice, but you mentioned legal concerns, and you’re right to - the CPS has a run down here of how cases are treated:

http://www.cps.gov.uk/publications/prosecution/assisted_suicide.html

#10

Sorry. I’m on my phone and that cut short.

Firstly as others have said, really feeling for you and family.

I’d recommend that you request a home visit immediately from her palliative care consultant. You need to explain what has been happening. No idea what you and your mums plans and intentions are regarding hospice care but that should be discussed as an option. Also, goes without saying but please look after yourself and make sure you’re getting what you need. The impact of this situation on a carer cannot be underestimated. Xx

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#12

Just to echo all of the above, I have no experience of assisted suicide, not do I really know enough about the ins and outs of it - particularly legally, so I can’t be of any assistance in a practical sense.

But, I don’t think I’ve read a post on here as moving as your OP. As Ant says, I don’t think any of us can even begin to imagine, or understand what you and your Mum must be going through right now without having been touched by it personally ourselves.

My heart goes out to you both, and if posting on here helps you, please don’t hold back in the future. We’re all here for you, mate - anytime.

Take care of yourself, and your Mum.

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#13

Glad you felt like you were able to post this here and I’m genuinely sorry for you and your family as mentioned up thread I would also suggest looking into palliative care not least because it’s also intended to support the families and carers of people in this position.

#14

@jontosh2001 Yes, I do have PoA. She actually was in an hospice at one point after the bad fall which precipitated this, but she battled as hard as she could to get a plan that allowed her to go back home. I think she imagined that things would be better here than they are, or maybe just having that goal focused her. I’m uneasy about bringing this up with palliative care because I fear their response will be to zombify her and/or send her back to the hospice, which I don’t feel is the right course of action. You’re right though, I will talk to them.

@meowington I’ve never put it in those words, no, but medication is a constant conversation. I don’t know how valuable more powerful stuff is at this point, the plethora of stuff she’s on now muddles her and she hates not having clarity of mind as much as anything.

@hip_young_gunslinger Thank you, I’ll have a read through of this.

@Everyone else, thank you for your kind words. I know they never seem like much when you write them in situations like this, but they were very moving.

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#15

I think it is worth talking to them as you say, and make it clear what you’re concerned about and what you do want and don’t want. They can work out what is possible. I’d really suggest that you are honest and open about what she’s been saying to you in the night.

#16

I wish I had something useful to say. I can’t imagine how hard this must be for you. I hope both of you find some kind of peace whatever you decide to do.

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#17

Very sorry to hear what you and your mum are going through. Was going to echo what jontosh said and make sure people are aware of the fact things are getting worse pain wise. My dad went into a hospice but wanted to come home to die and had a Marie curie nurse for the last few days. I can understand why hospice care wouldn’t be what your mum would want,though maybe worth discussing again, idk. Make sure you have people around to support you.

#18

I hope you don’t mind me replying, I’m a very occasional lurker on these boards and haven’t even posted for years, but I went through very similar with my mum. Definitely agree with others who have said to speak to the doctors about medication. We found that my mum took more and more of the painkillers she had which left her confused and hallucinating, when what we should have done was have her medication reviewed more often. Of course different painkillers work in different ways, so there could be combinations which allow her pain to be better managed.

As far as the actual crux of what you’re asking, I remember our doctor visiting very near the end and she told me that there wouldn’t be any repercussions if a lethal dose of morphine were given. I wasn’t leading or asking about that, she offered that information, so I guess I assumed it wasn’t an uncommon thing. I didn’t have the guts to do that for my mum, and I’m not sure whether that was wrong or right.

I’m so sorry you’re going through it. It’s so lovely that you mum has a loved one looking after her x

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#19

Again, I’ve got nothing to add but anonymous support. I hope you have people around you can lean on, and DiS will always be open for this sort of thing.

#20

Threads like this remind me just what a good bunch DiSers are.
I can’t really offer any thoughts over and above those upthread; all I would say is that there is always a sympathetic ear here so come back and post when you need to.
Thoughts with you.

#21

I doubt there’s ever a clear right or wrong answer in these situations, only arguments for and against

@Parsefone - as with others, I can’t offer anything other than support. Do look after yourself as well as your mum. x

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#22

My extremely limited, and anecdotal understanding of assisted suicide is that investigations are made but not fully pursued in a lot of instances, though what the conditions for these exceptions are I don’t know. It makes me so angry that people like you are forced into deciding between not becoming a criminal or granting your Mother’s wishes. How is that fucking alright? I can’t imagine the bravery it takes to even consider such things. She’s very lucky to have your support.

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#23

Fuck, I’m almost in tears reading this!

Echoing everyone above. Look after yourself as best you can! Don’t burden yourself with this…always ask for help, on here or elsewhere.

#24

all my love and prayers to you and your mum!

It’s awful seeing someone you love trapped in a cycle of pain and sorrow, it’s really screwed me up quite badly over the last few years and my situation is not as dire as yours. Huge amounts of respect to you for staying strong.

Happy to talk anytime x

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#25

Nothing else to add except I am sending you, and your mum, all the love.

#26

Nothing of worth to add other than massive amounts of respect for what you’re doing, and that at this point whatever you decide to do or transpires through chance you’ve been through so much already that you shouldn’t feel wrong in any way.

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