Apparently she’s making another statement from outside Downing Street at 5pm.
Bloody knew she would be! 
when does the exciting stuff start happening?
Going back to her home planet
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Did you watch the 250,000 Dominos video? That shit was awesome…
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I told my pro Brexit Tory boss that May had resigned and he nearly fell over, spinning around immediately and shouting “WHAT?!?!”
Then I said it was Paul May from Patisserie Valerie and he sat down, having had a proper rush of excitement, and spluttering about how I was an evil person. Keeps muttering “May’s resigned” to himself at random moments 20 mins later. So much better than I hoped for 
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Probably just the same one as yesterday, but in a slightly more upbeat tone, see if that turns the ship around.
someone called Nadine Tories getting the indie points in quick, I see
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“I would like to make it clear that it is right to consider me still ‘not owned’.”
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announcing that she’s going to be the next character in Smash
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“May’s resigned!!”
“WHAT?!”
“Yes, she’s re-signed the back of her debit card, as the original signature had faded almost completely.”
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every time I hear the name ‘Laura Kuenssberg’ -
Every time I hear his name I’m reminded of a song. Then I remember it’s a Rolf Harris song and erase my memory again.
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You feel somebody in Westminster could’ve grown a nice field of wheat for her somewhere.
Turns out she’s just confirming the stormzy announcement at 5
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Telling everyone what happens in the new John Lewis advert, as she’s spent all day rewatching it so now she understands the nuances and hidden references. Has written it up in a 500 page document.
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fields of wheat? shut up
dancing at the tory conference? shut up
looking like a lizard? shut up
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Theresa May is announcing that she will be Becky Lynch’s replacement for Sunday’s Survivor Series match against Ronda Rousey
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Theresa May RESIGNED herself to another few days of watering down the last of the washing up liquid, having failed to pick any up during the weekly shop.
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The baddest woman on the planet vs. The worst woman on the planet
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