#1

let’s keep this cool, guys. no bullshit. nice stuff. funny stuff. not bad stuff

went on a date with this chick a few years back. agreed to go to a pizza place, then take in a movie. what originality!

anyway, we’re in the pizza place and I hear my name getting called out from over my shoulder. only my fucking mum and aunt, innit! fuck sake. they came over and embarrassed both of us by asking this poor girl some ridiculous questions. never saw her again, obviously.

another one was getting sacked off for not knowing whether the phone I had was a Samsung S2, as opposed to an S3. for real! or it could have been rocking up 30 minutes late. yeah, it was probably that.

don’t think I’ve ever had a successful date, tbh. maybe more to folow

The rich tapestry of life
#2

:smiley: poor silky :frowning:

don’t actually think I’ve got an horror stories tbh. not really been on that many dates

#3

Been on one date in my life. Ended up with her bundering in my toilet

#4

Can’t copy and paste the text, so here we go:

Screenshot_20160923-112806.png1080×1920 352 KB

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Bad dates
#5

The mum and aunt thing is funny and I’d have thought could’ve been a good thing in the end.

I thought for a moment you were actually serious about the phone thing too, I’m glad you’re not.

#6

Got collared by an elderly Elvis impersonator who started singing “Can’t Help Falling in Love With You” to us next to us in a nigh-on empty pub on the second date with my current gf. Was something to talk about afterwards though I guess.

#7

I can copy the text!

I went on a what started out as a lovely date a few years back with a
Japanese/Korean/American girl (she was adopted and unsure of where she came from), boating on the Serpentine, London Zoo. Then we went for a couple of drinks, she had pints of Guiness but was only tiny. Then I suggested we went for a joint, she said that it was impossible for her to get high. We went to a war memorial and sat on a bench, she started smoking, looking at me when she inhaled saying “look, I am trying”. Next thing she had collapsed in my lap but not in a way that I had hoped for. I couldn’t move her and then they were locking up. I half picked her up and carried her out which made her puke everywhere. It didn’t feel very respectful to the war dead. It was all over me and her and it took me ages to find out where she lived. I eventually found out but all cabs were rejecting us. I eventually got in one about three hours after the smoking began. I dumped her on her doorstep and ran. I had given her my jumper and I never got it back.

#8

Missed out the bit where I asked who her favourite author was because she was doing an English literature Masters. She said “Thomas Hard” (I think). I said I didn’t think I’d read anything by him, what was it she liked?

She replied “His writing.”

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Bad dates
#9

Yeah can I echo OP and urge people to PLEASE keep this light-hearted and/or self-deprecating as much as possible?

#10

man, I am not kidding. she asked what phone I had. I said an S3 (it was a long day and my mind was fried)

she said something like ‘oooh, let me see’ so I pulled out the S2. look on her face, man. atmosphere went proper shit after that.

plus - and this is why it would never have worked. she waitied OUTSIDE the pub while I was running late. fucking hell! just go inside, ya big baby

#11

Went to see Hostel 2 on a first date (her choice)

#12

At university, I asked a girl if she wanted to see a new student play with me.
It was written by a student who was part of the Footlights and was meant to be the next big thing, so I thought it was a sure-fire have a laugh, have some drinks, back to my squalid rooms kind of thing.

So, we rock up to the play, it’s all innocuous enough for the first half hour, before it suddenly changes pace and turns into a horrendous drama about domestic abuse. It ended with the husband of the piece pouring the scalding contents of a teapot over his wife’s silently screaming face.

Needless to say, such grim scenes did not set up the mood I was aiming for, and rather than go for a drink, we decided to call it a night.

We still ended up as a couple, but for humour’s sake, imagine I never saw her again thanks to my choice in creepy theatre.

#13

True gent.

#14

I love this story :smiley: esp the ‘his writing’ line.

#15

Not a date as such but…

Went to house party with friends of my friend’s bf, hooked up with one of them but he was snorting coke so couldn’t get an erection. Anyway, they went on to a club after and ended up getting into a massive fight (probs the coke again) and getting arrested. He was a really good friend of the bf so a few weeks or whatever later my friend called me to ask if I would give evidence that he was with me all night shagging! I said no. He got sent down for 18 months for gbh :o

A few years later I was on the tube and i felt someone kick my foot and they had one of those tags on their ankle, I looked up and it was him! AWKWARD

#16

heavy shit!

#17

that reply is a classic reply, does she post here?

#18

this is a thing of real beauty

#19

sorry

#20

no, it’s fine. I liked it. interesting dilemma you had there, too. must have been a tough one, but obviously you did the right thing.