#64

I quite like the idea of one of those tufts of grass moving and shifting and then Robert Smith climbing out and the grass is his hair.

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#65

It’s some type of special rare cabbage/kale type stuff, so even better for Robert Smith’s hair.

#66

one that comes to mind, and that i think of now and then and wince horribly:

had been chatting to this lass online and we’d been bonding over being somewhat burnt out with east london and it being full of dickheads. we decided to try and go on a non-dickhead night out for a date, which started with a DIY noise show in a tower block (good start) and hanging out with kind of unbearable artists bros who were doing my nut in. hung around much longer than necessary and i was like, can we just go to a pub or something? found a pub, and went to the loo. stood next to a guy at the urinal who just suddenly yelled out ‘YEEEEEEAARRGHGHGRHGHGRHG’ and i was like ‘erm, everything okay pal?’. he grabbed me as we were leaving and took me back into the kitchen of the pub where there was an enormous amount of coke spread out on the table and offered me a line. i shouldn’t have, but thought fuck it, why not. went back out to where the lass was sitting and was obviously instantly caned. i fessed up and she wasn’t too impressed, so we called it a night. walked her out to the bus stop where we bumped into someone she knew. i told them we were on an internet date and she looked mortified and went ‘OH MY GOD I HAVE NEVER BEEN SO EMBARRASSED IN MY LIFE’. said erm ok, i guess i’ll see you later then. i got the bus home and then lay in bed staring at the ceiling all night and didn’t get a wink of sleep before work the next day.

#67

Can you photo shop him in or something?

#68

One of the first dates me and the wife went on was to see a band (Milburn) and then a comedian (Doug Stanhope).

We both agreed the band were crap but while I enjoyed Doug she wasn’t particularly amused - especially when his routine about paedophilia resulted in a few angry walk-outs.

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#69

I must not use my powers lightly.

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#70

This is a good story.

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#71

Look mate, if I’ve decided that the Indian Jones joke isn’t funny any more then it really must be a terrible terrible joke.

#72

What’s the Indian Jones joke?

#73

Knock knock

#74

Who’s there?

#75

Indian Jones

#76

Indian Jones who?

#77

I’ve had one where two people he knew came up to us during the date (in London) and he told me he’d also shown friends my FB pic and they said I was pretty. Where’s the privacy?

More recently, when I had blue hair, he told me he told his friends he’s meeting someone with blue hair, and he noticed people stopping in front of us and taking photos intentionally /taking in the view with us in it. I tend not to notice that stuff.

Bitta discrepancy on a 1st date please.

Oh, the guy who - I was Parkinson, he was the guest, and somehow he told me his entire life history while asking very little about me. Went for a couple hours with me doing all the I want to leave body language cues, even asking to leave and it continued another 45 mins.

Another guy I meet three times. Waiting for the moves that never came. He messages me and says I don’t like him (I did) and he only kisses people if he thinks they are in a relationship.

I’d have more crazy stories but these are the ones who passed my stringent vetting procedure.

#78

:confounded:

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#79

you were the dickhead all along :disappointed:

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#80

If ever a thread called for a and now she’s a lesbian then surely this is it

#81

Read Steve Coogan’s autobiography recently.

‘Jane Hazlegrove was Ophelia. She was in Coronation Street while she was still in the sixth form and she’s been in Casualty for years now. I went out with her for a while. She’s a lesbian now.’

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#82

Of course I meant discretion there, and my phone balked at loading any pages for the last 20 mins so I couldn’t edit. >_<

#83

^ and now she’s a lesbian

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