Behaviour that is confusing and depressing me in equal measure


#1

Get ready for a deeply boring thread. I’ve banged on about it before and now I’m gonna bang on about it again haha because it’s wrecking my head!!! :slight_smile:

Got this project at uni in which we had to form groups and then research data and produce artefacts from to then share amongst the other members of the group. These artefacts contribute to your final report which you submit and get marked on individually.

After one week a lad in my group who I’m mates with emailed the lecturer saying that it’s only me and him doing any work and the others aren’t sharing anything. I thought this was a bit premature and a bit weird considering it was only me who’d shared anything. He himself hadn’t shared anything either. The lecturer suggested either giving it another week to see how it goes, joining another group or breaking off into our own group of two. I told my mate that it would surely be better to just stay in the group cos that way we can still receive anything that ever does get shared. Breaking off into a group of two doesn’t really benefit us in any way. He pretended to agree with this but then brought it up again a day later so I just went along with it. The remainder of the group were and still are none the wiser.

Few days later he asks if I can send him my stuff, which I do. He asks if I can go in with him on one of the days off and get the stuff done that we haven’t done yet. I go in and do it all with no contribution from him and then scan and email it to him. He finishes all of our communications with ‘oh and i’ll send you that stuff.’ Or ‘i keep forgetting to send you my stuff’ but never actually sends it. He’s extremely neurotic and not the type to just forget to send something.I hint that I need his stuff ‘gonna start that report tomorrow so if you can email me your stuff’ and he says ‘i’ll send you it now’ and then doesn’t.

In the lesson today only me and him from our group turned up. The lecturer comes over and says ‘still having trouble with the other group members then? if they ask for any data from you don’t give it to them.’ Thinks me and him are collaborating and sharing stuff properly. At the end of the lesson mate asks me if i want to go to the library to get the last bit done i.e. the last bit that he needs from me, that I’ll do with no contribution from him and send him. It turns out everywhere is too busy to find a place to do work so we go home. Before we leave I casually ask him if he can send X Y and Z and then I should be alright for my report. He says he will do and then I go home and realise he’s not going to send anything and I don’t understand his motive or how he can be totally amicable and friendly in person despite clearly having some sort of sinister ploy to not send me anything for no apparent reason? And then I made this thread and drank Irn Bru and I just had a Chilli Cheese and Chicken wrap and listened to that song I made a thread about.

tldr: a lad I’m mates with seems to secretly hate me or something and won’t send me the work I need for my uni report even though I’ve been sending him my stuff and I can’t understand why and it’s fucking making me depressed as fuck


#2

Forgot to add, pretty much everythng I’m asking from him is stuff he’s already done and that I’ve physically seen on paper. Why is he not sending me it???


#3

i think you’re being too polite to him. just call him up and say can you just send it right now otherwise i can’t actually do what i need to do? don’t say it casually.


#4

i mean to be completely honest your behaviour about this seems really weird as well


#5

In what way?


#6

like you’re not letting on to him that he’s actually causing you a problem and are acting all relaxed and like it’s not that important to you


#7

Tell him to fucking send it or he’s not getting anything else. Point out he’s doing to you the same as the others initially did (or did they not? Are they still around?)


#8

Is he generally lazy with his other work? Seems like he isn’t sure what he needs to do or how to do the work. Doesn’t sound intentionally malicious, but he probably doesn’t realise that it’s bothering you so much.

Ask him to send it, and put some pressure on him to commit to a deadline to send it. Sounds like he’s done fuck all though.


#9

He’s mugged you right off.

Bet he marks you down in the peer review


#10

got as far as ‘so i went along with it’

done yourself there, mate


#11

Nah he’s on top of everything. And he knows I need it. Work that he’s already done and I’ve seen. Can’t see how it’s anything but intentionally malicious.


#12

Can you not just have a quick word with the lecturer? They’ve usually heard it all when it comes to group work so should be able to sort it out discreetly.


#13

So if you’re sure that’s the situation, now’s the time to call it out.


#14

If you absolutely must need his work and are determined to be pushed around by this chump, offer to go pick it up and scan/photocopy it yourself so he doesn’t have to.


#15

This. If he’s being malicious, you’re fucked anyway as he not going to send you the stuff. Explain what’s going on to the lecturer. Also, STOP SENDING HIM STUFF.


#16

Your too nice for your own good, but you still have the last bit to negotiate with, just do the same to him!


#17


#18

Weird, something doesn’t add up. You’re going to need to ask him what’s wrong and why he hasn’t sent it, and not accept an excuse about him forgetting. Don’t think there’s much else to do than that.

Speaking to a lecturer wouldn’t hurt but they’ll certainly have expected you to do the above before going to them. Can even say it seems like you’ve done something to upset him, which doesn’t directly accuse him and will hopefully make him realise he’s not been great.


#19

Yeah he’s screwing you over…


#20

Just can’t understand why he’d do it unless he wants to actively try and jeopardise my marks for some unknown reason? Just assuming he noticed from the very first day of uni that I’d be a walkover and that’s why he became friends with me. I’m a fucking mug and always will be