Best mans speeches

Surely can only be settled with a poll?

  • Do it - it’s way in the past and as such is now an amusing part of a shared history
  • Are you insane? In what way is this even vaguely appropriate ffs!

0 voters

its been such an emotional day, even the bride is in tiers

thats not actually my real name!!!

It’s been such an emotional day, the police discovered the dead body of my elderly neighbour this morning. I was in tears, like the cake point at the cake

Last time I stood up from a warm seat with a bit of paper in my hand I was registering for council tax. And then I shat point at arse


Oh wow. Ok doesn’t matter than.


“I’ve been instructed to keep this speech smut-free, so if I spot any innuendo as I’m reading through, I’ll skip it and move on to the next paragraph"


“the dictionary defines a wedding as: the act or ceremony of marrying. which it is.”


It’s been an emotional day, even the cake is…a single layer - not like the groom anymore!

applause, sits down, “crisis averted, Billy”


‘You know, being asked to be a best man is a bit like being asked to make love to the Queen. Fucking brilliant!’.


I reckon that depends if the Bride and Groom have been together more than 8 years or not :confused:

They actually got together about 7 years and 11 months ago!

That might work then - so long as they both agree with those dates and there wasn’t any history beforehand that you’re suddenly popping up in!

Last wedding I went to the joint best men did an extended skit, which happened before the food had been served and went on for an absolute eternity. Please don’t do that.


you might want to prepare some photo evidence of the snog, dated to prove that you got there first

I did a pub quiz loosely based around the couple for mine. Used up plenty of time, managed to include some offensive questions about the groom and minimised the amount of actual speech required.

Also, gave the bride some compliments (beautiful, intelligent, GSOH, etc) and then the line “so it’s true, opposites really do attract”, which I think was the joke I was most proud of. Also, had a postage stamp on which I’d ‘written down’ the groom’s lifetime achievements. #banter




I’m doing one next year. I thought all the “bride/bridesmaids look lovely” stuff was in the groom’s speech? I won’t even be mentioning them in mine, just giving an extended monologue on the psychology behind gaining state approval for your relationship.


This has been very un-useful, but thanks anyway for your contributions


Perfect! They’ll love that. Well done chris!


I think the basic structure is

Classic opening joke
Couple of anecdotes about the groom (ideally one from when they were young, one more recent and possibly slightly scandalous but not in a bad way)
Sentimental statement about how you’re really best friends and you wish them the best
Closing toast (ideally with joke)