Bidets

Why don’t we use them more? So much more hygienic and mild sexual arousal as the water goes up there, what more could you want?

I’m a convert.

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My grandma has just moved back to the UK after 30 years of living in Portugal, and insisted that the bathroom in her new bungalow be fitted with a bidet.

I don’t want to think about this topic anymore, thank you.

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My Portuguese friend finds it horrendous that they’re not more common here.

I worked with an Italian guy who had been headhunted to come and work for the company in London. As part of his relocation package he specified that a bidet be fitted to his accommodation.

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my parents had one in their en suite bathroom when I was a kid and we used to use it exclusively to wash our feet in the summer when we’d been playing outside barefoot

it just had normal taps and a plug, so using it to actually wash your arse would have been like sitting in a bucket of shitty water I guess

We voted out of the EU so we could enjoy our poo-ey bums without your pals snooty comments.

In my opinion, water is better for cleaning poo off something than a bit of paper is. However, I do not consider myself to be a bidet user.

This is the central conflict of my being.

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Lived somewhere with a bidet for a year. Never used it once. Should have done really. It’s not nice to live a life full of regret.

Big fan. Love a clean anus.

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Yeah, the last place I was staying in had one that I never used and to be honest I’m not entirely sure how it’d work. I want a warm stream of water jetted directly to my anus so I can do the mamba as it remains static.

Same! I was so closed minded.

I was once like you

A conflicted, tormented being?

Yes, amongst other things. Then I squirted some water directly onto my anus and things changed.

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In India And Sri Lanka you get what’s basically a small shower head on a hose pipe to wash your arsehole with

i don’t understand how you dry everything

Tea towel

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Yeah, I could get on board with that, get it right up there

Dyson airblade

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Actually, I wasn’t sure either. I just used TP to pat the area down afterwards, is there another more approved way? Perhaps a Dyson Airblade of the bidet world?