Brilliant Short Joke Thread (Only the very highest quality jokes please)


Diner: Steak and Kidley pie, please.

Waiter: Don’t you mean Steak and Kidney, sir?

Diner: I said that, diddle I?

And we’re off!


Did you hear the one about the guy who promised a riddle then instead made a jokes thread?

He got ice knived.


Wind turbines

I’m a big fan




is this a joke about the diners speech impediment?


Doctor - There’s no easy way to say this. You’ve got to stop masturbating.

Patient - Why?

Doctor - So I can examine you.


He’s only got little legs!


My butcher offered me 8 venison legs for £25.

Is that too dear?


Have I told you about the time I built a bungalow for a dwarf?


facebook discussion regarding stupid people getting into uni, someone said this:

i went to a pretty good uni, and in first year someone still asked me “how do you cook oven chips”


I don’t wake up until 9!




I think it’s more about their attitude.

They can say kidney if they want.


The human brain’s amazing isn’t it. Really makes you think.


I was stood in the park, wondering why Frisbees appear to get bigger the closer they get to you. Then it hit me.




Had a massive argument with Gwen Stefani about French philosophers last night.

She ain’t no Houellebecq girl.


But it’s pronounced Well-Beck.


Harsh but fair.


Had a massive argument about Arsenal strikers then