Broken Jokes

My dog’s got no nose!
How does it smell?
Fine, his nose is missing but the olfactory nerves are still intact.

Ruin some classic jokes in this thread. I dunno. Whatever man.

5 Likes

Knock knock

It’s open.

5 Likes

Thank you

2 Likes

Waiter there’s a fly in my soup

I’m dreadfully sorry, I’ll replace it for you immediately.

8 Likes

my mate told me the old, i went to a zoo but it only had one dog there, it was a shih tzu (shit zoo). i said yeah it sounds like it was pretty shit, why was there only one dog in the zoo? did you ask for your money back? where was it? i’ve never heard of a zoo like that before, very odd. anyway he told me to fuck off after i strung him along for a good five mins, half convincing him i believed he’d been to a zoo with just one dog in it

9 Likes

good anti-bants

1 Like

Q: What do you call a man with a shovel on his head?
A: Clive

Q: What do you call a man without a shovel on his head?
A: Also Clive

6 Likes

Does this only apply to Clive?

Yes. The man in question is named “Clive”

7 Likes

A man walks into a bar
He’s a bit dazed but he doesn’t lose consciousness, so he takes a paracetamol and has a bit of a rest

7 Likes

There was an Englishman, An Irishman and a Scotsman.
The Englishman voted for Brexit the stupid cunt.

5 Likes

Why did the chicken cross the road?
I accidentally left the gate open.

5 Likes

I was in the library the other day, when I saw the librarian cutting off the bottom of his trousers and placing them between the pages.

I thought to myself, “That’s odd.”

3 Likes

Q: What do you call a man named Clive who has a real fondness for that member of the onion family that looks like grass?

A: Still Clive, the man’s name is Clive

5 Likes

Two nuns are riding their bikes down a cobbled road.

The first nun says to the other “Oooh, I’ve never come this way before”.

Second nun says “I’m not surprised, there’s roadworks and a diversion.”

4 Likes

Two nuns sitting in a bath.

The first nun says to the other, “Where’s the soap?”

The second nun says, “It’s here, and why are you in my bath?”

5 Likes

Man walks into a bar with a giraffe. The bar staff call the police and he’s arrested for stealing a giraffe. Questions are asked as to how this was allowed to happen.

2 Likes

Q. What’s brown and sticky?
A. Poo

1 Like

Actually I think this was half inspired by a tweet I saw which was something along the lines of “Next time you want to start an ‘irish are stupid’ joke, just remember you literally got tricked by a bus”

Too lazy to find the tweet.

3 Likes