We’ve all got at least one, right? That friend who chats utter bullshit, making up ridiculous boasts that crumble at the slightest scrutiny, but you let it slide because they’re your mate.
I’ve had far more than one over the years.
Friend 1 - Absit: During school, amongst his many stories, he stated that he was a games tester for Nintendo, trained with the SAS at the weekends and could drive. This was all at age 12/13.
Friend 2 - David: Around the age of 13/14 he stated that he had a professional contract for Newcastle Utd playing in goal, but was released due to injury, even though he was fucking dog shit every time we played football. Said he was a martial arts expert but one day he got beaten up by local 11 year old gobshite Jamie Miller, who wasn’t even hard. David cried. And finally, having not seen him since school, I met David a few year back as a doorman outside some shitty bar in the east end. He said that he owned a security company that was responsible for Rhianna’s personal security at her recent O2 arena show.
Friend 3 - Matthew: Regularly tells me that he’s had 15+ pints on nights out, even though I’ve seen him get pissed after 4 or 5. Once said he met a stripper in the west end who took him back to her place and they had a threesome with her flatmate, and then came into work after 1 hour’s sleep. Finally he once went out clubbing in the sticks somewhere, missed the last train back, couldn’t be bothered to get a taxi so instead he broke into a farm, hotwired a tractor and drove it back into town. He can’t even drive.
You got any bullshitter friends’ stories?