Civilization with a zed

Hmm, had to give up on this in the end.

I succeeded in cleansing the world of other civs and then sent my fleet of robots to mop up all the city states, but from there it got hard.

Turns out it’s really hard to make your population unhappy and revolt. I removed all improvements, set each city’s production to starvation and even made them all repeat produce settlers, which did slowly manage to reduce my population, but not their happiness.

All the spare land started spawning barbarians all over the place (barbarian helicopters?!) who helpfully pillaged a lot of my stuff, but still no sadness. I changed government back to Chiefdom: still no joy.

My one last throw of the dice was to reconstruct a nuclear power station and then let it melt down. Took nearly eighty turns and they were still not that narked with me, so I gave up.


I am now playing as Canada on a real Earth map. Soon met Montezuma who got most of what would now be the USA before I could get across the whole northern tundra, but there is nobody in South America. So I have a dilemma.

Canada’s game is based around maximising tundra and snow tiles so should I:

  • Stick to what I know and fill the Arctic with hockey
  • Wait until I can get across the Bering Strait and then pick a fight with the Chinese or the Russians (assuming they’re there) for Siberia
  • Instigate the glorious southern rainforest paradise of Canada

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South America didn’t look terribly appealing, on reflection and Russia and (bizarrely) Sumeria had already colonised China and Siberia by the time I got over the water. I settled for Australia in the end.

One annoying bug of this upgrade seems to be that the rivers and associated flooding don’t show up in the true world and true Europe maps. So when I got to the end of the Canada game I realised no river had flooded in the whole game.

I had quite a hilarious fuckup at King level as Eleanor of Aquitaine (France) on the true Europe map. I settled Paris immediately, but made the (unusual for me) mistake of getting bogged down building an ancient wonder early on, with the result that Philip of Spain came through the one navigable tile of the Pyrenees and settled where I would have needed to put Bordeaux. So I built a load of archers and sent them down to capture it, which I managed. I then got cocky and sent the archers down into Spain to see if I could cause some aggro. As soon as I got past the mountains a stream of horsemen came piling past my archers in the opposite direction, ignoring them completely and sacked my newfound conquest in double-quick time.

So I binned that one. I’ll claim it was because of the flooding bug.

Talking of Siberian weirdness, Indonesia has spawned there in two of my last Civ 5 games.

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Replayed as Eleanor (French version). Most notable feature of that game was me not paying attention to one of her unique bonuses. So as a result I was quite surprised while I was piling up Great Works for a Cultural win to suddenly be faced with a choice of whether to accept a Chinese city into my civ or not. And once I’d twigged what was going on it was quite bathetic to watch the entire Chinese empire get swallowed into mine without so much as a complaint or a parting message.

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And this afternoon I finished a game as the Incas. In truth I don’t think I took full advantage of the chance to build an empire around the mountains. Just not enough of them around and too many other civs hoovering up all the space. But the late game did become a chance to delve a bit deeper into one of the new features: Rock Bands.

I’ve treated them as a bit of a joke up to now. I’ve spent a lot of time looking up band names from the appropriate countries. Abba disbanded after their first gig, and Leonard Cohen’s World Tour of Water Parks was never quite as prolific as I think it deserved to be. [Thinking of which someone should do a mod where you can resurrect a Rock Band called Leonard Cohen for a substantial pile of cash.] If anyone knows the names of any Inca Rock Bands then it’s too late, so my most striking band ended up with a rather off the cuff name.

I didn’t think much of it when I assigned the religious conversion promotion to “Some Drummers and Shit”. I guess no more appealing promotion was available. But for a laugh I sent them overseas to Scotland. At that point I had my continent completely converted (they were all following “Cheese” if you care), but Scotland had converted most of the other one to Catholicism and Sweden were holding firm with Protestantism in their own civ. Robert had periodically attempted to come over and convert me, but I managed to pick off his single apostles no bother.

But no sooner did Some Drummers and Shit get over the water than they started a cheese revolution baby! They managed a string of about seven gigs before disbanding, but they convert any city, of any size, with any religious mix, to your religion, IMMEDIATELY (and also regardless of whether they disband after or not). So one unit managed to reduce the most powerful religious force in the game to a couple of apostles frantically trying to reconvert their own cities.

And of course the thing about the Rock Bands is that there is no defence against them except to not build improvements, which isn’t very viable. Hopefully the AI will never cotton on to this tactic, but I might use it again in future.


I’ve gone through the looking glass a bit.

Trying to look something up I stumbled on the civfanatics forum and started reading. There’s a lot of incomprehensible blah in there, but I found some of it interesting. Specifically I realised that something I’ve not incorporated in my game strategy enough is “chopping”.

So I gave it a go. And now I have nine cities stuck in the middle of barren wastelands who seem to now need 30 turns to build a monument. More refinement needed I think.

In a moment of feeling rich and noticing that they were discounted on Steam I bought up all the additional DLC packs I hadn’t already got so my current game is with Indonesia and even given that I’m usually a peaceful player I’m struck by just what a GBOL I seem to be up against this game. Even though we’re all crammed into an island plates map I’m still getting on famously with neighbours Eleanor and Trajan, Seondeok is very pleased with my science and Kupe just seem like an all-round good sport considering having the whole world to pick he ended up with a tundra peninsula. Not unusual for me to have loads of allies, but it is unusual that they don’t seem to be falling out with each other either. The only fly in the ointment is Wilfried Laurier who seems a bit grumpy with me for some reason.

My chopping did lead to some fairly rapid expansion which in turn severely held Trajan back. After a bit of sea-exploring I noticed that he’d resorted to settling a one hex island. I wonder how that works out.

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Marks deducted for “effect”.

In fact I don’t think it would be over the top to introduce a new casus belli: Grammar War.

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