[in hairdressers]
“Do you want any product in it?”
“Nah it’s ok I’m going to have a shower when I get home”
[in hairdressers]
“Do you want any product in it?”
“Nah it’s ok I’m going to have a shower when I get home”
‘wanna see the back?’
‘nah, that’s fine’
Buying a single, non-food item in a shop
Would you like a bag?
No thanks, I’ll eat them now
[having a Sunday roast]
Are you a leg or a breast man?
Anybody want a drink [from the coffee machine in the office]
Nobody wants one
Cheap round, then.
‘can I get anyone a drink from the kitchen?’
‘yeah, lager/vodka lemonade please!’
[whenever getting off train at Piccadilly Circus]
“Cor it’s like Piccadilly Circus 'round 'ere”
“Going for my lunch, anyone want anything from outside?”
All colleagues: “No thanks”
‘Oh, Nick, Nick, come on don’t go, stay for god’s sake’
can only read this in a Rik Mayall voice
this is one of my favourite images btw. I’ve seen it so many times but I don’t think I’ve ever said tha
to the best foosball supporters in the world
we need a 12th man here…
where are you?
where are you?
let’s be having you…
come on.
Do you want a coffee?
Yes please
Sugar?
No, I’m sweet enough
I worked with a woman who made this joke EVERY SINGLE TIME she was offered a hot drink.
Buying more than 3 drinks
Bartender: would you like a tray?
Customer: no thanks I’ve got enough to carry already
Really want to ask my 10 year old niece if she’s heard about updog but I’m 99% certain she’ll respond with “what’s that?” or “what is it?” and it’ll be all
Princess Leia: “I love you”
Han Solo: “Get me out of this fucking carbonite freezing chamber for fuck’s sake!”
Contactless, too easy isn’t it
Yeah, dunno if I trust it though
Aye, takes 3 days to come out of your account doesn’t it
That’s a great joke and I’ve never even heard it before
Someone: OK what’s your name?
Me: Umm…