Classic bits of dialogue

[gets in sauna]

“wooft, it’s like a sauna in here”

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Customer: can I get a bottle of wine Please?
Barkeep: how many glasses?
Customer: just a straw!

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I’ve got a colleague who does the opposite:

ME: Anyone want anything from outside?
HER: Ooh are you going past Subway?
ME: Ye…
HER: Could you get me a footlong Italian BMT on Italian Herb and Cheese bread (if they don’t have that then just Italian is fine), cheese and toasted, and for salad can I have lettuce, peppers, sweetcorn and black olives with the low fat ranch dressing please?

She did this (or similar) to me twice when I first started. Can’t work out who’s at fault - her for not adequately recognising largely polite social cues, or me for asking an insincere question. Hmm.

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[cutting pizza]

“want it cut into 8 slices or 12?”
“oh, just 8… don’t think i could eat 12!!”

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Fairly sure she’s the one at fault here, she’s essentially stealing your lunchbreak.

Well yeah but I asked the question “Does anyone want anything from outside?” without caveats as to what “anything” means. Obviously socially her behaviour is poor. Now I just don’t bother.

Also last year we got taken out by a supplier for a swanky lunch. One of the suppliers only ate half of her main course because she didn’t like it, and the aforementioned colleague asked “are you going to eat that? Do you mind if I…” and proceeded to scrape all of the contents from the half-eaten lunch onto hers and eat it.

Just boggles the mind as to why someone would think to do that.

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I’ve never asked this at work - am I incredibly rude? Or is there a cutoff where an office becomes too big for this to be a realistic thing to ask?

Yeah stand on a desk and shout across the office and see what happens

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I wish this was more acceptable - often tempted to ask for the leftovers of other people at different tables :grinning:

I don’t consider it rude personally. You’re going out - you don’t have to offer to get other people stuff.

It would however be rude if requested stuff from others when they asked, and you did not ask the question in return.

yeah good point, I don’t remember anyone asking it at my work

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Don’t get me wrong I’d happily have taken it on because I can eat for Europe and I like delicious things, but I can’t conceive of a path to obtaining it which doesn’t look absolutely grotesque.

“Do you want your chicken bagging separately?”
“No thanks”

I like to see how many times I can loop this

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done this today already

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replying to ‘enjoy your meal’ in a restaurant/sandwich shop/other eatery with ‘thanks, you too’, then cringing forever and never ever going there again

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  • what’s that thing called that you use in golf to put the ball on before you hit it
  • tee?
  • two sugars, ta
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“Need a hand, mate?”
“Nah, I’m alright.”