Colleague quotes 2.0 (rolling)

chat
balonz

#1

Someone just said “I’m sorry to press, but I have a bias to action”. I’ve taken a leaf out of his book and restarted this thread.


Tuesday evening
#2

“I’m sure Beth’s perfectly aware of where testicles come from”


#3

I don’t understand “black lives matter”. To me, all lives matter!

(White, American)


#4

Can’t remember the exact quote, but yesterday one of my colleagues explained to me at length how ordering a takeaway for dinner is “so much easier than cooking it yourself”.


#5

Colleague A: "What’s a canteloupe?"
Colleague B: “It’s like a deer, isn’t it?”


#6

You, know, I’ve heard those exact same words from a (white, British) colleague of mine.


#7

It was an incredibly frustrating conversation. “But it’s not all people that are getting shot, while unarmed, by police.” was met by “But I saw on the news the other week that a white guy got shot by the police in Philly!”

Hnnnngh


#8

[canned laughter]


#9

“it’s a latté. I’m a bit of a homosexual when it comes to coffee choices.”

Ok mate.


#10

“I don’t know why you wouldn’t vote for Trump. They need to shake things up a bit over there”


#11

“Are they actual clowns or just people dressed up?”


#12

used to work with this girl who i thought was cool until i got a cappuccino and she goes THAT’S A BIT GAY, ISN’T IT?


#13

Colleague A: "How do you spell guillotine?"
Colleague B: "G-I-L-L-U - no that’s not right… That’s the laminating machine"
A: “Is that not what a guillotine is?”

Fucking hell. This is the same person who thought a cantaloupe was a type of deer a few weeks ago. Best of all, she gets left in charge when the transport manager is on holiday :frowning:


#14

I’m assuming this means that there are people out there that will describe any coffee which isn’t a “normal” coffee as gay. Unbelievable.


#15

Oh my.


#16

“Who was that woman who got robbed recently, Kim Kurdistan?”


#17

“Patents, eh? You must get a lot of bother from those BLOODY CHINESE!”

(technically an external contractor, but fucking hell)


#18

“We need to be more productive, start using our nonces a bit more”


#19

Didn’t know you worked at the BBC, pal.


#20

This is a couple of years ago, but we were in a big meeting discussing international recruitment strategies and someone piped up:

“Yeah, I had a dream the other night about the Chinese. They were all ants and they’d taken over the world and made it communist”.