Crackers

Inspired by my attempts to explain the Mystery Calculator to a Chinese colleague at our Christmas party.

What’s your favourite and least favourite cracker toys?

I reckon-
BEST
frog toy
fortune-telling fish
comedy moustache

WORST-
mystery calculator
plastic sailing ship

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I enjoy a good metal puzzle thing.

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BEST: keyring bottle opener in the shape of a whale

WORST: that fucking fish thing

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About once a year, every single year, I rue the fact that I threw away the tiny, tiny screwdrivers you get in crackers, when I have to unscrew something that has tiny, tiny screws

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clearly the best because it’s the only place on earth you can obtain miniature screwdrivers

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My tape measure came from a cracker. Pretty handy to have tbh.

Yes exactly. There’s probably some former engineer down on his luck that ended up working at the cracker factory who came up with the unique and practical idea for people to receive mini screwdrivers.

And his colleague is some hands-down-pants teenager who scribbles down a comical plastic paperclip and that gets thrown into production too.

Always a fan of a good spinny top.

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OP nails it.

was expecting an albuquerque from you there tbqh

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MINI SCREWDRIVER
oh i need these to tighten my sunglasses, i’ll hang on to this

few weeks later

where the fuck are those mini screwdrivers

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Best bit about the cracker is the hat. Nothing else matters but that hat has to stay on from xmas dinner until bedtime or else.

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Best: the one with Robert Carlyle
Worst: the one where they went to The Far East

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Worst: con medicine

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Carlyle: L-I-V-E-R-P- DOUBLE O-L…Liverpool FC!
Coltrane: CEEELTTTIIIIIICCC…CEEEEELLLLTTTTIIIICCC…

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I’m lucky if it lasts until the Christmas pudding. Usually end up with it ripping

Actually has anyone ever figured out what the whole Mystery Calculator thing is? We gave up on it when the food turned up. Looks like it’s some kind of magic trick/maths puzzle

cracker hats are a nightmare if you have a shaved head

they just slide down my stupid head - not a fan

Hopefully you’ll get a mini stapler to fix this.

Wait whats the mystery calculator?