Dad Jokes

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#1

Who’s “she”? The cat’s mother?


#2

Do you want jokes about Dads or jokes that a Dad might make?

this post is in and of itself a dad joke


#3

For a window, you make a bloody good door!


#4

born in a barn?


#5

There’s water in the tap


#6

Whenever there’s a doughnut around.

‘Is that a doughnut or a meringue?’


#7

A friend/neighbour/relative knocks at the door:
‘Not today thank you!’


#8

[approaches statue of man on horse]

“Admiral Nelson, 1758 to 1805”

[nods solemnly]

“Good innings for a horse”


#9

My Dad’s got no nose

How does he smell

Terrible


#10

When ever he sees an adult on a BMX

“They’ll grow up one day and ride a proper bike”


#11

Why did the chicken cross the road?

To stand slap bang in the middle of it

centrist dad joke


#12

Whenever he sees somebody wearing camo clothing

“Look at that, can’t see their (insert part of body camo clothing is being worn on)”


#13

I do this 100% of the time and I’m not a dad.


#14

When ever there’s a report on the news, or a conversation about somebody dying

“You know what they died of?”

“No I don’t”

“Lack of breath”

I’m well aware this isn’t particularly funny and maybe crass, but he does it every bloody time and I can’t help laughing


#15

In all fairness, this is mine that he’s taken and made his own.


#16

You don’t need to be a dad to make dad jokes


#17

Dad: Do you want a drink?
Me: No, I’m alright thanks
Dad: Yeah; I know you are, but do you want a drink?


#18

When out for a meal and everyone gets their food except one person:
‘Looks like you’ve been forgotten!’ or ‘its alright, you weren’t hungry were you?’ or ‘Don’t worry you can have some toast back at home’
He has a large repertoire of these.


#19

"You know what Joe’s short for yeah?

“Yeah I do”

“He’s got little legs”


#20

Dad: look there’s a flock of cows over there.
Child: a herd of cows dad
Dad: course I’ve heard of cows, there’s a flock of them right there