Dad Jokes



Who’s “she”? The cat’s mother?


Do you want jokes about Dads or jokes that a Dad might make?

this post is in and of itself a dad joke


For a window, you make a bloody good door!


born in a barn?


There’s water in the tap


Whenever there’s a doughnut around.

‘Is that a doughnut or a meringue?’


A friend/neighbour/relative knocks at the door:
‘Not today thank you!’


[approaches statue of man on horse]

“Admiral Nelson, 1758 to 1805”

[nods solemnly]

“Good innings for a horse”


My Dad’s got no nose

How does he smell



When ever he sees an adult on a BMX

“They’ll grow up one day and ride a proper bike”


Why did the chicken cross the road?

To stand slap bang in the middle of it

centrist dad joke


Whenever he sees somebody wearing camo clothing

“Look at that, can’t see their (insert part of body camo clothing is being worn on)”


I do this 100% of the time and I’m not a dad.


When ever there’s a report on the news, or a conversation about somebody dying

“You know what they died of?”

“No I don’t”

“Lack of breath”

I’m well aware this isn’t particularly funny and maybe crass, but he does it every bloody time and I can’t help laughing


In all fairness, this is mine that he’s taken and made his own.


You don’t need to be a dad to make dad jokes


Dad: Do you want a drink?
Me: No, I’m alright thanks
Dad: Yeah; I know you are, but do you want a drink?


When out for a meal and everyone gets their food except one person:
‘Looks like you’ve been forgotten!’ or ‘its alright, you weren’t hungry were you?’ or ‘Don’t worry you can have some toast back at home’
He has a large repertoire of these.


"You know what Joe’s short for yeah?

“Yeah I do”

“He’s got little legs”


Dad: look there’s a flock of cows over there.
Child: a herd of cows dad
Dad: course I’ve heard of cows, there’s a flock of them right there