Dad Jokes

Who’s “she”? The cat’s mother?

Do you want jokes about Dads or jokes that a Dad might make?

this post is in and of itself a dad joke

7 Likes

For a window, you make a bloody good door!

There’s water in the tap

Whenever there’s a doughnut around.

‘Is that a doughnut or a meringue?’

2 Likes

A friend/neighbour/relative knocks at the door:
‘Not today thank you!’

9 Likes

[approaches statue of man on horse]

“Admiral Nelson, 1758 to 1805”

[nods solemnly]

“Good innings for a horse”

28 Likes

My Dad’s got no nose

How does he smell

Terrible

3 Likes

When ever he sees an adult on a BMX

“They’ll grow up one day and ride a proper bike”

2 Likes

Why did the chicken cross the road?

To stand slap bang in the middle of it

centrist dad joke

3 Likes

Whenever he sees somebody wearing camo clothing

“Look at that, can’t see their (insert part of body camo clothing is being worn on)”

2 Likes

I do this 100% of the time and I’m not a dad.

3 Likes

When ever there’s a report on the news, or a conversation about somebody dying

“You know what they died of?”

“No I don’t”

“Lack of breath”

I’m well aware this isn’t particularly funny and maybe crass, but he does it every bloody time and I can’t help laughing

1 Like

In all fairness, this is mine that he’s taken and made his own.

You don’t need to be a dad to make dad jokes

5 Likes

Dad: Do you want a drink?
Me: No, I’m alright thanks
Dad: Yeah; I know you are, but do you want a drink?

10 Likes

When out for a meal and everyone gets their food except one person:
‘Looks like you’ve been forgotten!’ or ‘its alright, you weren’t hungry were you?’ or ‘Don’t worry you can have some toast back at home’
He has a large repertoire of these.

4 Likes

"You know what Joe’s short for yeah?

“Yeah I do”

“He’s got little legs”

10 Likes

Dad: look there’s a flock of cows over there.
Child: a herd of cows dad
Dad: course I’ve heard of cows, there’s a flock of them right there

43 Likes

‘What’s the first letter of your name again?’ or ‘what are those things golfers hit balls off?’
(wearily) ‘T/tee’
‘Don’t mind if I do, thanks!’

2 Likes