Dad Jokes

The differences between the two are what make cheggers’s one so good, no offense meant to the big horse

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I’m with you. Pain over hunger takes it up a notch

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(After hanging up after a long, deeply involved conversation)

“Who was that?”

“Dunno, wrong number!”.

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Basically any ailment - “Dad I’ve hurt my leg/Dad there’s something in my eye”
“Don’t worry son, you’ve got two of them.”

Even to things like
“Dad I have a tummy ache”

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It’s the way you tell them.

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A steak joke… that’s a rare medium. Well done.

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Alright, mate. Don’t overcook it.

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“Going to India with the parents for a holiday”
“Mumbai?”
“No it was dad who paid for it”

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At a wedding I went to yesterday the father of the bride made a joke about how he called his starter “gold soup” because it had 24 carrots in it

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Am joint best man with @colinzealuk at our brother’s wedding in April. Sorely tempted to nick this and add it to…

Two television aerials on neighbouring rooftops fell in love and got married. They had a lousy ceremony but the reception was fantastic.

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I’m sure it’ll be a very emotional day

(@Jeremys_Iron where r u)

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my dad does similar to this if I’m driving the car: use Soundhound or whatever to find out what it is and then say, for example, “Ah, can’t beat a bit of ‘Quantum Leap’ by John Maus from the album We Must Become the Pitiless Censors of Ourselves”.

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I didn’t want to believe my dad was stealing from his job as a road worker. But when I got home, all the signs were there.

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January - Greg
February - Ian
March - Ian
April - Greg
May - Ian
June - Ian
July - Greg
August - Ian
September - Greg
October - Greg
November - Ian
December - Greg

The Gregorian Calendar

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Fucking hell

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This is brilliant.

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