Dad Jokes

To the shop assistant when collecting a small lottery win:

“Think I’ve won something on this”
Shop assistant runs ticket through the machine
“Yes, you’ve won £3.80”
“That’s me off to the Caribbean tonight then”

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Scottish Dad joke

Why did the cow go on holiday?

Cos it had a wee calf.

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When we were younger and discussing who would do the washing up after dinner

“Rich, you’ve got a hole in your t-shirt, just under the armpit”

“Have I?” lifts arm up

“Good job volunteering”

Admittedly this worked once. Then it stayed as part of repertoire anyway

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‘Sack the juggler’

Said by my dad every time someone dropped something. Not once funny.

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Found pretty much every one posted so far funny :grimacing:

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CONGRATULATIONS!

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Similarly if someone drops a glass or some crockery: “Sounds like they’re having a smashing time”.

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“I’m gonna go get changed.”
“What into? A rabbit?”

The old man has been consistent with that for 30 years despite never getting a laugh. Gotta admire the dedication tbf.

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I’ve started saying this one myself. DAD JOKES NEVER DIE.

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Think that’s the sign of a dad joke. The fact it continues to be told without any hint of response

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Or alternatively (when the assistant confirms the ticket isn’t a winner):
“Well, back to work on Monday then.”

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Apart from you! Amarite? :joy:
(N.B. I am a dad)

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Also out for a meal, when the food is put on the table:
‘Well I don’t know what the rest of you are having but I’m all set!’

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Someone comes to clear empty glasses off the table:
‘Sorry about that, just really thirsty today!’

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I use this one. It’s like a right passed from generation to generation.

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This also applies to school playground jokes.
Knock, knock / Who’s there? / Doctor / Doctor Who? / You just said it!
etc

My son was astounded when he tried these jokes on me and found out that they had not changed in 40-odd years

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Despite not being a dad, I regularly use all the ones I’ve listed here. It’ll be his greatest legacy.

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I’m having this one!

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I use this one a lot.

Similarly: “I know you don’t like ice cream, so I’ll eat yours for you”

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