What do polar bears do on a first date?
Jump up and down to break the ice
What do polar bears do on a first date?
Jump up and down to break the ice
I did an amazing dad-ish joke yesterday and then had to EXPLAIN IT TO MY DAD.
We were talking about how some people (very much including him) have a hard time remembering names. I said that yeah some people do, «BUT LET’S NOT MENTION ANY NAMES HAHAHAHA» and he didn’t even get that it was a joke at first. What the hell, dad.
But the whole point is that there’s a thing called ‘nuclear fallout’.
Maybe it only works in English?
(You were probably speaking to him in English.)
(You were probably speaking to him in English.)
Don’t speak to him in English!
You should be paying attention to the teacher!
Bought a really shit thesaurus the other day. Not only was it terrible, but it was terrible!
What did the grape do when he got stepped on?
He let out a little wine.
What do you call someone with no body and no nose?
NOBODY KNOWS!
Someone said the other day that I could cure all my problems by drinking tonnes of tequila.
I’ve always had to take what they say with a pinch of salt.
At least they’ll get ahead in life.
Because they’re just a head.
They’re all mouth.
Convo at work today
Someone : “why is it the Dutch accent makes it sound like they’re going to spit on you?”
Me: “is it because they’re phlegmish?”
Why did the chef add more thyme to the meal?
in case anyone wanted seconds
Did you hear about the artist who paints with their own spit?
They’re a Phlegmish master
‘[Someone] is dead’
Oh, what did they die of?
‘Lack of breath…’
My dad always says this joke. I’ve started doing it too. Get a guaranteed eye roll from my partner every time
Same here to all three of those.
It’s a good day for the race
What race?
The HUMAN race
I made a graph of all my past relationships
It has an ex axis and a why axis