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Did you hear about that guy that was murdered, he was shot with a starting pistol and beaten with a relay baton. The police think it’s race-related.
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You’ll probably receive some pedant retribution for this, but you’re exactly right and that’s why it doesn’t work at all.
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How do you catch a one of a kind animal?
Unique up on it!
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Crikey.
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Just lost my job as a photo developer. I gave a customer his prints and he asked for the negatives.
I said he had a double chin and blue wasn’t his colour.
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Taken our 9 month old to the Lake District on his first holiday.
Just told a couple of lambs to gambol responsibly.
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The difficult second meme.
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What do you call a fear of giants?
Fee Fi Phobia
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Billy Connolly’s to blame for that one.
Read what I thought was a great one the other day:
At a funeral, the widow has just finished her teary eulogy and the vicar asks if anyone else would like to say a word.
A man raises his hand, so the vicar smiles and nods for him to go ahead. He stands up and says, “Plethora.”
“Thank you,” says the widow, “that means an awful lot.”
Another man stands up, clears his throat and says, “Bargain.”
“Thank you,” says the widow, “that means a great deal.”
Finally, another man stands up and says, “Earth.”
“Thank you,” says the widow, “that means the world.”
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You’re invited to a holiday in Devon
Willacombe?
Yes I’d like you to
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Reminds of -
“I’m just back from my holiday in Poole”
“In Dorset?”
“Yes, I’d highly recommend it!”
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Also -
“Me and my wife just went on holiday to the Caribbean”
“Jamaica?”
“No she went of her own accord”
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Did this in real life just yesterday.
“Where is it your friend lives in America?”
“Alaska”
“Ok. Let me know what she says”
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“My wife and I went on a holiday to Indonesia”
“Jakarta?”
“No, we flew there”
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Why do bees have sticky hair?
Because they use honeycombs
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