Where does bad light go??
To prism
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Went to the pub at the weekend and as I walked past the fruit machine I heard a voice say “you’re a fat chump”, next to it there was a table full of food and I heard “Your hair looks lovely today, well done”. I explained what had happened to the barman and he said “oh yeah, the buffet’s complimentary and that fruit machine’s out of order.”
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I spotted an albino Dalmatian the other day. Was the least I could do for it.
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I got confused between “jacuzzi” and “yakuza”, and now I’m in hot water with the Japanese mafia
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Grizzly walks into a pub and says to the barman, “can I have a pint of IPA and… … … … … … … … … … … … … … … … … … a packet of salt and vinegar, please mate?”
Barman asks : “why the big pause?”.
Grizzly says : “well, it’s because I’m a bear, mate.”
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This is the actual oldest joke in the book (obviously without the IPA bit)
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Admittedly, it does make my plan B of “why did the tiger get lost? Because jungle is massive” seem bang up to date.
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I’m thinking of stealing one of these, but can’t help feeling that if I did…
Hell of a punchline!
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I’m waiting…
something about it being too big a whisk?
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I worry I’d be taking a big whisk.
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Why are balloons so expensive?
Inflation
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Surely the punchline is “because the junglist massive” because those are the official lyrics?
Doesn’t really work otherwise. I mean it obviously doesn’t work unless you’ve heard the song and I guess that boat sailed a long time ago but in its day this was in theory a decent joke (always allowing the worry that some white guy would try to put on an accent and thus bring in a racist angle).
I’ve always said that the hallmark of a fun joke is someone coming along a week after the fact to joylessly pick it apart to an almost ridiculously forensic level.
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Have you seen that new film ‘Constipation’? Probably not, it hasn’t come out yet.
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I might have left it if you’d not messed up the polar bear at the bar joke too. 
