DADSNET - new forum/newborn (doesn't even rhyme)

Cheeky. :smiley:

Because I’m a simpleton, I have never questioned this. When first reading that I took it to mean that the parents never appear on screen. But then I realised it was a more literal enquiry. And your explanation seems fair enough. Every day’s a school day.

Yeah kids are pretty good at spotting these sorts of things I think. But yes, to be explicit she meant they have both parents dead or at least one in a lot of cases.

This was on the back of reading a bunch of short stories by a popular Aussie author (Paul Jennings) that often feature orphaned kids too. And yes, I hadn’t really thought to hard until she asked hence my slightly vague response.

It’s often too hard for her to really comprehend.

When I think about it a little more I guess the deceased/estranged parent(s) thing is simply a convenient plot device for driving so much of the classic well-established vengeance and/or self-discovery story arcs.

That thing about there only being seven stories to tell (or three, or one, or whatever, depending on your take).

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Even when they aren’t literal orphans a lot of protagonists in childrens fiction are at least temporarily parentless, whether it’s the Famous Five going off camping or the Pevensies going through the wardrobe.

I have an old colleague who writes middle-grade fiction and she said one of her biggest headaches is trying to work out valid reasons / explanations for her child character to be in a graveyard at midnight or whatever, since there’s only so many times a kid can sneak out the house before the parents are just negligent. Much easier to kill 'em off.

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We took Jimbo to see Toy Story 4 yesterday afternoon. 2 is his favourite, with 1 and 3 having too much peril (although he’s actually fine with them these days). Worth going to see for Buzz’s inner voice and Duke Caboom (Keanu Reeves).

If you’re concerned that 1-3 only have strong male parts and female characters are just there to fulfil stereotypes or make up the numbers (Mrs Potato Head being the nagging wife, Jesse being the annoying kid sister, etc) then you’ll be much happier with 4.

Anyway, this weekend Jimbo started riding his new pedal bike own his own at only his second trip out so I’m bursting with pride about that. It was obviously a big day for him too - before he’d even left his room this morning he called out through the monitor asking if it was a daddy day and if we could go out on his bike again. One of those morning where I wished I could have got away with pulling a sickie.

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That insta video is so bloody cute. Well done Jimbo


We tried him on grass first off, because I thought if he fell he should have a soft landing but I think it was a bit bumpy for him. I shouldn’t have worried because he didn’t fall at all.

I promised that we’d go out after work - the park is less than five minutes from the house and if the weather’s nice enough to go out, let’s get him cycling as much as possible.

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Rosie has been mistaken for a boy by randomers on 4 occasions now including a midwife because she’s not in pink. Amazing how early the gender-norms indoctrination sets in.


It is fucking infuriating. We dress our girls in what they want, and my eldest quickly figured out that dresses are fun, but a real arse when you’re wanting to jump around parks and play and stuff. They default to dresses in the house, but outside play it’s always “pants”* and a shirt.

Fuck gender norms. We have been mentioning the fact they can do whatever they want from early on. Occasionally she’ll come home from nursery and be like “girls can do something” and we’ll make a huge thing about going online and showing her photos of boys and girls doing everything, and exploring the idea that some people are neither one or another.

He favourite monkey, Zuby, is gender fluid. They are now identified as “they” by her, which is awesome.

*Wife is canadian so this is where her namjng convention takes precedent.


Oh, and don’t get me started on the bullshit that is Paw Patrol, Go Jetters, PJ Masks et Al only have a minority of female identifying characters. Fuck those guys. Fuck Peppa Pig too.

If your interested in a book that might help, Yasmeen Ismail’s “I’m a Girl!” is quite good with this. It’s all about gender norms. And illustrated wonderfully. It is a bit too binary, but it’s got a good message.


You should take them to see Toy Story 4. I don’t want to give too many spoilers, but at the start Woody is being left in the cupboard because Bonnie is playing with Jesse instead, and the hero of the film is Bo Peep. Even the main “baddie” is female.

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So much this. I mean Paw Patrol is fricking awful for that. (Quite appreciate the first series of Power Rangers for balance though given its age).

We’ve just bought this “Who Are You?: The Kid’s Guide to Gender Identity” to start more formally having the conversations and Morris Micklewhite and the Tangerine Dress is good too (think I’ve mentioned it before maybe)

Some of our neighbours are bringing up their kid to be gender neutral. They’re a boy, but they’ve got long hair and you really couldn’t tell either way if you looked at them which sex they were. We’ve bought plenty of “girls” tops for James just so that he’s not always wearing blue or grey.


Urgh, thought we were past the sleepless nights stage, but O woke up at 12.30am last night and just wouldn’t settle. Screamed the house down in temper until I finally got her off to sleep and settled at 4am. 2.5 hours sleep before the alarm - today isn’t going to be much fun.

I cant believe how different our two are in terms of temperament…and relatively speaking, how easy we had it first time around.

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How old are they?

We’re doing pretty good on the sleep front these days, maybe up once but quickly shushed down again. But we’re having a nightmare of tantrums at the moment, sometimes a couple a day, just 15 mins of incoherent screaming and nothing we can do except wait it out, always triggered by such minor things that nine times out of ten she wouldn’t think about. It’s so draining, especially when it’s trying to get out of the house to go to nursery and it puts my whole day on a bad track.

Our eldest (N) is 4 and the youngest (O) is a year and a bit. To be honest I can cope fairly well with most stuff N throws at me these days - she’s a bit of a drama queen, but has always loved stories, films and just sitting creating play worlds with whatever toys are in front of her - and so there’s always been some breathing space. We’re trying to introduce a time out spot for some of her excesses currently, but she generally has good insight once she calms down after a tantrum. So the management for me is usually a case of doing something silly/mixing up words to a song or programme she likes and letting her correct me to dissipate the red mist and then talking through what happened when she’s calm enough.

O on the other hand is really fiery - doesn’t want to be cuddled/settle on you for more than about 10 seconds at a time, has more interest in everything that’s not a toy than anything that is, just wants to roam around and sees any closed door or stair gate as an affront to her right to roam. Most of the noise she makes is the baby equivalent of “I AM SO PISSED OFF RIGHT NOW!!!” The fucking jumparoo which has done great for the pair of them and we were so close to selling got one of the solid plastic activities ripped off it by her recently leaving a load of jagged plastic. Fortunately she’s since ripped out the jagged plastic too, so it’s now safe again!

She’s like the Raptors in Jurassic Park constantly stress testing everything looking for weaknesses in our defences. We love her immensely of course, but she’s not an entry level baby, so glad she arrived second…

Thought we’d nailed sleep with her over the last couple of minths, but tried everything last night - controlled crying, lying next to her, co-sleeping, calpol. In the end I just took her downstairs, put Netflix on and let her wriggle on me until she finally passed out.

How old is yours? I find the above strategy for managing rage works pretty well, so maybe worth trying if you haven’t already. Don’t want to tell you how to suck eggs.

She’s two and a half, so I guess prime time for terrible toddler behaviour. We’ve spoken to her nursery about it and they said if we can’t immediately head it off with a distraction, we should just tell her calmly we’ll be there for her when she wants us and leave her to it, which is what we do but it’s always so miserable to sit through. Usually when we go back after 10 mins or so she wants a hug and has completely forgotten what it was that set her off.

This fella turned up last week. Shit scary birth but all OK now for everyone. He’s a good un too.

Just thought I would let you know.