DADSNET - new forum/newborn (doesn't even rhyme)

[Edit: JFC, this is a long and winding despair-rant/mind-dump.]

MiniWza (3yrs 3mths) has been in pants during waking hours (nappies on for sleeping at home, nursery keep the pants on for the nap after lunch and more often than not they stay dry).

Toilet use for pissing has been going well. Next to no accidents, and pretty good at the whole routine in general.

But. Still no :poop: in the :toilet:. And, despite enthusiastic encouragement in various ways from us to just try (reading books on the loo, blowing and doing raspberries, the promise of a choc lolly as a reward, etc), or even just sit on the loo for a while after weeing (with no need to actually do a poo, just to sit there), there’s been way too much “I don’t want to…” hissy fits and general distractedness and ignoring us on other stuff we say, because of hunger and bad sleep. Because shitting only ever takes place into a nappy, after storytime, just before dropping off to sleep. Resulting in more poor sleep because of being hungry, and not eating well at night because of holding out in all day.

Last week, with plenty (days!) of forewarning and opportunity to avoid it, we withdrew TV watching and dressing up stuff, which have become lazy zombie go-to’s (but only ever watching Masha & the Bear, or Peppa, and rotating through outfits after only having them on for five minutes). Just couldn’t be doing with the zombie behaviour and needed to take away the crutches in an attempt to bring things to a head.

Seemed like there were some signs of success with the confiscation approach (an almost unprecedented brief but intense moment of screaming by me in exasperated response to yet another round of “I don’t want to…”, after which I felt shitty) last Friday.

Supplemented by a big three hour nap after lunch, MiniWza was a revelation. Alert, engaged, bright, chatty, willing to sit on the loo for a bit and seemingly try for a poo.

Felt like we were past the worst.

Until today. And the whole moody “I don’t want to…” thing crept back in, with additional needy goings one on top. And a total unwillingness to try for a poo, after weeing.

So. No toys (all taken out of the bedroom and stowed away in the spare room (apart from teds and books). No living room (where the play kitchen and other stuff are). and no TV. Just books, teddies, and crayons.

Seems a bit harsh, and somewhat intensifies the lockdown situation, but the thing of only pooing into a nappy at bedtime has had such negative knock-on effects it’s been difficult to ignore.

No idea how this will play out tomorrow. Kinda don’t want to back down. But almost feels like the withdrawal of stuff is shooting ourselves in the foot, and worse for us as parents than it is for MiniWza, cos we have to deal with an increasingly bored kid, with fewer distractions at our disposal. :confounded:

Meanwhile, with all that aggro going on, it feels like MiniMiniWza is getting a real raw deal. :confounded::confounded::confounded:

[Coda: Typing this all out has made me wonder if MiniWza is holding onto one of the last vestiges of the lazy ease of babyhood, which she’s reminded of by the presence of 6mth old MiniMiniWza, and we should maybe just jettison the nappies for sleeptimes?]

My mate’s son just routinely shat in his underpants. They couldn’t stop him, he just refused to use the loo. And he was a boy who poo’d about four times a day sometimes.

Anyway in the end they gave him a shiny gold pound every time he used the toilet for a poo and promised he could go to the shops and buy something with them when he had 20ish.

This worked and after the first 20 he just lost interest in the pound coins entirely because, I guess, he had worked out how much better it was for everyone.

Bottom line here is the my experience would be going down the punishment route for a 3 year old isn’t necessarily going to be the best option. I would be doing down the ‘rewards for doing it right’ one (unless you’ve tried that already).

Sleeping is a whole other thing. F just used to wet the bed a lot and as I’ve never known her wake up to need a wee I think the fact it’s now stopped is more about her having got a big enough bladder because it almost never happens. But it does mean I carry a waterproof undersheet to every holiday home we visit (two normally in case it’s a double or a single she ends up in). (Those IKEA kids’ mattresses are a godsend because the waterproof things wear out really quickly with constant washing and luckily the mattresses are waterproof and you can just unzip the damp layer and wash it.)

Melbourne helped here because it’s generally very dry and windy even in winter so the DAILY washing of sheets and blankets/duvets meant we ‘only’ needed 3 of each thing as often the morning’s wash was dry by the evening. The worst thing was the timings: our washing machine’s quickest high-speed spin option totals about 28 minutes and it was always 1-3 loads to get done and out onto the line before we had to leave for school. Tight.

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Maybe too late for you but we potty trained M last Easter by doing the intense, no way out, potty or nothing technique. No more nappies, no clothes at all, indoors for two days, watching her for any sign of wee or poo action, then hustling her to the potty. We were lucky that she took to it, and we haven’t dealt with a nappy since. I think a combo of peer pressure at nursery and knowing that toilets are the “big girl” thing to do kept her on the straight and narrow.

If you just got rid of nappies now, what would be the likely outcome? She’s probably old enough to know it’s not acceptable to do it on the floor, right? Idk, I guess every kid is different.

Two books for her we used (think there’s Youtube vids that go with them):

Oh Crap Potty Training was the book we read, but there wasn’t much too it aside from “No more nappies, deal with it” tbh


The nursery “big girl” peer pressure was definitely a strong factor in getting her into pants and using the toilet. (We briefly tried but skipped the potty option).

If we withdrew nappies at night time, and went with pants, I suppose it would go one of three ways. She might i) get the message and everything’s sorted, or ii) shit herself, or iii) hold it in.

I think they’re listed there in increasing likelihood.

The latter two would likely involve pissing the bed, too, (very possibly ours, seeing as that’s where she invariably ends up from around 2am, and we have a decent waterproof mattress protector, but still…) and I guess we’re avoiding that aggro for as long as we can whilst there’s enough night time disturbance from the 6mth old baby bro going on (although, credit where it’s due, his night time waking is waaay less frequent than hers ever were (/are)).

Dunno. I guess her pre-nodding-off nappy-shitting ritual is at least reliable. Just as she was gearing up for it and on the brink tonight I suggested she try the loo, and she went along with it, and I read her a book while she sat it out, but it was not to be. Then two minutes after getting back into bed, there was as shite in her nappy. 🤷 :confounded: :laughing:

Ah right, I forgot you were six months into MiniWza2. I wonder if any of her actions are a reaction to that? Pointless to psychoanalyse it when you just want to fix it I guess. Our first is a couple of months younger than yours, and our second comes in June, would be great to have all her behavioural foibles fixed by then, but…

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Just had a calendar reminder that it is G’s Easter hols starting tomorrow hahahahahahahaha


Mine too!

Can’t wait to ship her off to nursery and…


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My calendar still says that we’re flying off to Sorrento on Sunday :frowning:

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Just received a text and email (supposedly) from school saying we’re due a refund for meals, trips or after school club and we should email bank details to them.

The email looks right and has come from the right server (as far as I can tell). And your can’t do a lot with bank details can you? But they’re being unusually pushy about us responding.

I’ve assumed it’s a scam. That’s fair enough yeah?

Yeah. Mine, my mums, both the kids birthdays are in March/ April :frowning:

Can you email or call the school on details you know are theirs to check with them?

If it is a scam they might need to inform other parents ASAP

Yeah I’ve tried to call but no one is there. And I did email them to ask which it was and how much. It feels very unlike the school to be chasing this much. Like hurrying us to respond this morning.

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And yeah we have texted those we know

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tbh - they’ve probably done both because they don’t have email for some or phone numbers for some

wrong thread!

7 year old is currently showing his arse to a couple of mates on a video call. So proud.


Does your school use ParentMail? We get all messages through that so you can assume they’re legit.

No, it’s all a bit ramshackle tbh. But the person from the school office phoned to take the details, having to sort it all out for end of financial year i guess, so it was legit but really made me think it wasn’t!

Not sure if this for the coronavirus thread or this thread, but anyway:

Started an online hypnobirthing class last night. Feels like the first time I’ve properly sat down and engaged with the idea of having another baby, which is scary, considering it’s coming mid-June. Already feel pre-emptively guilty for the baby, my attention has been so all over the place during the pregnancy, and there’s also less prep involved since we so much of the stuff already.

But we’re suddenly reckoning with the practical aspects of it all - even if hospitals are running fairly smoothly in mid-June (like, I’m allowed in with my wife), we had planned for my mum to come up and look after M while we were there, but she’s now in the 12-week full shielding group because of her previous cancer treatment, so it might be really irresponsible for her to travel up to London at that point. We have some friends who will hopefully be able to step up if needs be, but it’s really fucking stressful.

Better hope the hypnobirthing sticks :grimacing:

We’re due end of July and feeling really similar - guess we’ve got a bit more time so fingers crossed we’ve returned to a bit of normality by then but you just never know.

Because it’s the second and we’re so busy with our son and everything else that’s going on we’ve definitely been making less of a deal of everything and not preparing in the same way we did the first time around. I guess that’s to be expected but already feeling guilty about it.

(Don’t follow this thread constantly so may have already been said up thread but congrats on baby #2!)

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