DADSNET - new forum/newborn (doesn't even rhyme)

On Friday I have a meeting with R’s teacher and one of the SEN coordinators and I’m trying to be prepared, writing questions down and things. Mostly I am really scared that I’m just really scared of not being enough to support R, I’m not feeling very equal to the challenge here.

So, kid back at school. Spoiler just for anonymity really…

There were some issues with children being held back from playtime for poor behaviour and some parents complaining that it wasn’t fair/not on punishment book etc.
I don’t really have an issue with that tbh, it’s probably pretty effective in a class of 30.
Anyway, today the kid got held back in class for some of his play for not listening or something and says he was told by his new teacher “Don’t tell your mummy or daddy” about being held in the classroom for some of his play.
Now, I’ve queried this with him multiple times, and he isn’t one to lie and says this is what she said.

That’s really not ok with me. You absolutely can’t be saying that to kids. Spend quite a lot of time reinforcing the notion he can tell us anything and pretty shocked that a teacher thinks this is a valid way of interacting and managing behaviour with kids. It’s a pretty quick way for me to lose all faith in their judgement.
So, overreacting?
Not sure whether to do anything at the moment…I mean the kid could be on one, but he is very open and honest (until adults encourage him to lie to us).

Not over reacting, children have to be able to have the confidence to be open with their caregivers and it could be dangerous for a teacher to undermine that in that way.

Also the punishment system feels potentially really, really unfair and open to lots of potential teacher bias or disproportionately effecting certain children (and systematic or institutional ableism, racism, so many other issues)


Absolutely not overreacting. I’d be livid if anyone had said that regardless of the scenario.


Absolutely unacceptable and must not happen again.


Yeah. I can see why parents weren’t happy with it being used. Now we have cloak and dagger style punishment instead!

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Had something vaguely similar recently (daughter told us about something at nursery I thought needed following up, even though it was hard to parse what she was saying), I think the upshot was that you have to trust your judgement and raise concerns for peace of mind.

yeah, I feel bad because I quizzed him a few times about (in a round about way) and didn’t want to seem like I didn’t believe him. Just found it hard to believe that someone would actually say that? wtf. There were also quite a lot of other kids there as well, presumably heard it/were told, so it’s going to get back. Please someone kick off before I do…

I’d be absolutely fuming my way straight to the head on that one! No way is that ok in my book

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Totally valid. This has always wound me up with my mum giving M 'secret food (meat when she’s veggie) and making secrets fun. Yeah, turn her against the only adult she is in regular contact with. FFS.

School teachers saying it is something else! Also, how well do they know kids if they think they won’t say anything about it

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Yeah this! So daft

Evening Net of Dads and Mams!

We’ve had pretty much solid tantrum from tea time to bedtime tonight because The Child wouldn’t eat any food. She’s been pissing about at mealtimes pretty much since lockdown started but it’s reaching the point where she either won’t eat anything without a giant battle or won’t feed herself even though she’s well capable.

We’ve tried bribes, early bedtime and firm instructions. None of them really work for long.


Things are heading that way for us too. And waking up in the night for 2hrs+ at a time. Why did I sign up to have another kid again?

I don’t have any advice I’m afraid mate

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As a teacher you kind of have limited powers I guess as punishment and missing break is a prime one. However telling kids not to tell parents is awful, I am the opposite and always tell the parents so they know exactly what has happened.


We recently switched to family meal times so we’re getting this struggle now. She eats at nursery but their tea is at like 4pm and is really light so it used to be she’d come home and snack loads so we thought we’d give her an actual meal. According to her nursery reports she’s an omnivore and eats great there but we’ve found a very mixed bag. Trying not to get too stressed out, we know she won’t starve and I don’t want to give her a complex but it’s so annoying. Only thing that moves the needle is bargaining bites of dinner for getting pudding, but even that only goes so far.

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Same - people say peer pressure is a bad thing but I’m not convinced.


Yeah, this pissing about with (not) eating thing is familiar. Not quite been as bad lately, to be fair. MiniWza still isn’t shitting on the loo, though, which is linked. Recap summary: needs a nappy on and to be in bed to poo - so night time before dropping off (pretty reliable), or putting one on specifically after lunch (less reliable). For the three days at nursery it’s just held in until bedtime which can lead to being full at tea time, then the pooing before bedtime can lead to an empty stomach and an early rising in the morning. Peer pressure of now being in the top nursery group is what we’re relying on - hasn’t kicked in yet, but it will.

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Hour and a quarter so far. Weird how a kid that has never struggled with sleep all of a sudden wakes up most nights for a prolonged period


Happened to us for a while in the run up to him starting school. Rather than getting up we just put him in bed between us. It stopped eventually (which I know is what parents of older children say to absolutely everything and isn’t any consolation, but…)

M told me her superhero name earlier.

Previously she’s been riffing on ‘sparklelady’ or ‘poopy pants’ sort of material.


“Myva Hundley”

Which I’m hoping is just a series of made up sounds and not something she’s heard anywhere :confused: