DADSNET - new forum/newborn (doesn't even rhyme)


think this has been briefly discussed before but has anyone on here done shared parental leave?


Yes. My bf took the last 7 weeks of my stat mat leave. It was awesome. I was itching to get back to work and he fancied some time bonding with the lad. Perfecto.


I asked about it, but at the time (nearly three years ago, when it had only just come in), they were only willing to pay the statutory minimum, instead of matching what they pay for maternity leave, so I didn’t in the end.


I didn’t as I was contracting at the time, so all the paternity leave I took was unpaid. Would have liked to though. Dad mate of mine just finished his and said it was great, but tough.


I was unemployed for the first three months.


really wish i could do this, have heard so many good things and both of us would love it.
realistically though it’s not viable from a financial or career perspective (i work for a very small company).
still some time and work to be done before this becomes the norm?


That hasn’t changed in my experience. So few private employers give decent mat packages anyway, you end up on statutory after a few months (I think I got 13 weeks full pay then pittance pay for the rest). I can see if the non-stay-at home parent is by far the higher earner it could be really off-putting to do SPL. In our case, it was in everyone’s interests for me to get back to work, but I didn’t want to put the wee pup into daycare so young, so he had his daddy for that last stint, which was a perfect solution.


The maternity leave here is really generous - six months on full pay then down on a sliding scale for the second six months. It was obvious that they were only doing what they were doing in order to comply with the law and nothing more, which is a shame because they’re so good in so many other respects.

If they had matched the maternity leave package then it would have made financial sense for me to step in for a couple of months, but it didn’t work that way and I just have to make the most of the evenings and weekends instead. And the mornings - Christ, the early mornings.


Wow, that’s an amazing mat package. However, as you say, not much good to you!! Until employers start offering enhanced mat packages to ‘parents’ rather than mothers, us women will continue to get screwed over in the workplace when we have babies (and it would be nice for men to have the ability to share in the process more too). I am so lucky to have had supportive employers along the way (and a partner willing to do his share too).


Yeah, it feels like things are so slowly moving in the right direction, just not nearly quickly enough.

Things could have been a LOT worse - I was earning the whole time, and it’s a 9-5 where I can work from home every now and then, and my other half was able to pick up her work when the time came too. We’ve got friends who were only on temp contracts so didn’t have jobs to go back to, and dads who work away from home a lot, so we’re not complaining.


Has anyone else had issues with the government 30 free hours childcare thing?

Just got a slightly pissed off call from nursery saying they haven’t been paid this month, checked the online gov account and lo and behold it didn’t pay the nursery on the 1st like it was meant to. Trying to speak to someone but I don’t have one random password and might have to wait 24 hours for a new one… hoping we don’t incur late fees or have our daughter kicked out in the meantime. Fucking tories.


From what the guy at the nursery was saying yesterday, there’ve been loads of issues.


In the People’s Utopia of Scotland we don’t get free hours until they’re 3, and even then it’s 15h p/w. Having said that, once you’re entitled, the system seems to function well, unlike the English one which is fraught with admin problems.


I’m pretty sure it’s 3 here too, and it’s only 15 hours if you earn over a certain amount. I guess I’ll find out in a couple of months time.


Argh, sorry, I think I meant tax-free childcare:

This is part of the problem - Mrs HYG deals with all admin in our house but couldn’t set this up because she’s foreign so it fell to me, and I lost my password.


Hey y’all

My sister is pregnant (yay!)

What’s the most useful thing(s) I can buy her for presents, as aunt to be?


A sling or carrier? Very nice to have, but not the usual list of ‘essentials’.

Also, books. Always books.

And, aside from things just helping out practically (if you’re able) is as good as any present.


Would maybe add to this that preference for slings and carriers vary massively - we used our Baby Bjorn to death but probably would never have used a sling, so, boring as it is, it’s probably worth checking with mum to be what she actually wants rather than risk spending a wodge of cash on something that won’t be used.


Yeah it’s a complete clusterfuck and the system is a nightmare. Get through to someone from the gov on the phone and they should be able to sort it



^this, happy to give recommendations if you like.

If you are buying clothes I would avoid newborn size as that can be too small for a lot of babies at birth or grown out of in like a week. Maybe 0-3 months or even 3-6 months size, and sleepsuits or bodysuits would probably be of most practical use.

Aside from that, it is probably best to ask if there is anything she wants rather than pick out the wrong kind or something that doesn’t fit with how she wants to do things.

also congratulations on your impending aunthood :slight_smile: