DADSNET - new forum/newborn (doesn't even rhyme)


Ditto on the fixation thing.

It’s planets at the moment. She got a new red winter duffel coat recently. Was a bit sceptical. Until it became the mars coat, and then she was fully on board.


Love that kind of thing - if R wears his green coat then he is Percy and his backpack will be his mail truck (Percy pulls the mail om time, y’see).


We had the same at 2.5. Also train related.


Son used to love Bitz and Bob so much. Was the only thing he wanted to watch. So we got someone to dress up as Bitz for his 4th birthday party and when they were revealed he ran away crying and hid behind the sofa and wouldn’t come out until they had left. Not seen him watch it since I don’t think…


It’s time to look around schools, because Jimbo will be starting next autumn, and first one we’ve looked at I’ve turned into “one of those parents”.

I’ve got no real feel for how good the school is, because we’ve only looked at the one. The headteacher seemed quite enthused by everything, it wasn’t too big, so not too overwhelming, but one of the recurring themes from the visit was what they do to support the children who need a bit of extra help. And that’s fantastic. It seems that they had a really good structure in place for that. But…

And here’s the bit where I realised I was “one of those parents”. What they didn’t talk about at all was if the child was doing better and about how they support them.

Visit one bloody school, and I’m one of those parents who thinks that their child is better than everyone elses. What have I become :confused:



Seriously though, it’s only natural to want the best for your child. That said…it is only primary school. When we were looking at schools, an inclusive nurturing environment was the number one concern - if the pupils seemed reasonably well behaved and content on our visit then it was on the possibles list. I used to want the kids to be superstar geniuses. Now I think I would rather they were just happy :+1:


The Ofsted report will probably make mention of what they do with G&T as well as the ones who need extra support.

Be Ofsted Parent.


Not even that, just an infants school.

We went to see another this morning, which we were both much happier with. There was mention in passing that they had staff especially for special needs, but more notably one of the first things they said was that they had high standards in Maths and English. The overall standard of everything seemed higher, and the tone was very different - today’s head spoke about parents making the right choice of school for their children, whereas yesterday’s was talking much more about making the school inclusive for everyone. The other thing we didn’t spot at the time was that yesterday’s school didn’t have electronic whiteboards.

In attempt to justify turning into “one of those parents”, statistically Jimbo should do better. Both of us went to university (his granddad is a university professor - not on my side, obvs), and he’s been surrounded by books since the day he was born. I’ve checked our privilege and I’m well aware of the opportunities that will be open to him that may not be open to others. I’m not going to be a pushy parent (at least, I don’t want to be), but at the same time I don’t want to shut the door on any of those opportunities earlier on.

Also, thinking not as a parent, but as a citizen, I want everyone to have the same opportunities, and I recognise the inherent problems with a school system that grants some children more opportunities.

Aargh! Parenting is hard, eh?


I think the school you visited yesterday sounds better, based upon that.


Playing devil’s advocate though, is a cycling club where everyone cycles at 5mph better than a cycling club where you can cycle 30mph with people of a similar ability?


Theoretically though, I agree. We should live in a society where nobody gets left behind.

But we don’t though, so what do you?


Being inclusive doesn’t necessarily mean everyone is slowed down, if they are properly inclusive it’ll mean they are working simultaneously at several different levels of ability.


A better analogy might be:

Do you choose a cycling club that has different groups going out at appropriate abilities, or do you choose a cycling club that only lets people in if they have a bike that lets them keep up with the fastest group.


Then maybe the school yesterday wasn’t properly inclusive, because there was so much focus on the children that needed the extra attention and no mention of how they would deal with the children who were one step ahead in some areas.


What if you don’t have those choices though?

I think we all agree that the perfect model would leave nobody behind, but we’re not in that situation.


Have to say, I agree with marckee (and liked his post, arrrrgh what even am I?)
I would much rather my child was part of an environment where everybody walks at the pace of the slowest walker- the life lessons that that teaches are irreplaceable. You can push the 3Rs at home, which is what parents should be doing anyway- your child’s education is not the sole responsibility of the school. The school is your community, your village. the values you want your child to have will be instilled in him during these formative years based on interactions with peers and caregivers- not by learning his times tables. In many countries children aren’t even taught to read/ write etc until 7 or so- the focus on early years being learning through play. I’m cool with that and if there were state funded schools near me with that ethos I’d be up for it.

I would honestly think v carefully before dismissing yesterday’s school. (I know you are thinking carefully obvs- and checking your privilege- but I would also question what you want to achieve and whether your decisions are even going to get you there.)


I should also say for the record- I have only really come around to this view in the last 6months to a year for various reasons. I used to be v much in favour of pushing children and moving them up a year etc if they weren’t challenged (which I suppose remains an option, although I was moved up a year and fucking hated it in primary school. Not sure I’d do that to my own child.)

Ulimately though @rob.orch you just have to go with your gut! :kissing_heart:


Well I’m team rob on this one. Had a very similar discussion with my wife when it came to choosing the school for R. Definitely need to hear the school talking about how they are inclusive and working to help pupils at all levels.

Also, you’ll get a gut feel for a place and so just go with that as well


I don’t think that wanting children to be pushed is a different thing to wanting schools to be inclusive, either, to be honest. The two can (and often do) exist at the same time at the same schools.

We can only go by what has been mentioned in this thread, but the second school sounds like it puts more emphasis on attracting parents who want their kids to be surrounded by kids like them, rather than being inclusive.


I’m not sure it’s really the school’s role to be pushing children of that age at all though. I appreciate that not all children will have a stable family home or parents who are capable of helping with homework etc, and for those children who are perhaps not developing and learning in line with their capabilities, a degree of pushing/ coaching is required. I just think when you’re talking about 3 or 4 year olds, it’s barking up the wrong tree to be worrying about optimum academic success when really, from the kid’s perspective, they just want to get through the day having fun and not pooing their pants in front of anyone.