Dealing with people getting old

Shit, innit? My gran is in her 90s now and is becoming an increasing strain on everyone: my mum is in her 70s herself and pretty much has to deal with shopping, chores, and other stuff for her day to day, pretty much a full time job. I know lots of friends’ parents in the same position too.

Sort of makes me dread my parents reaching that age because it’s stressful for everyone involved.

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Yeah my mum’s in a similar position. Her parents are late 80s / early 90s,they’ve never been particularly nice to her (they wanted a son, good old 1950s :hugs:) and they’ve not particularly mellowed now they need a lot from her - one has chronic breathing issues, the other can barely see. Their house is a total wreck, my layabout trashbag cousin lives there (he’s in his 40s ffs) and basically sponges off them without doing anything except a Tesco order once a week, they’ll never move out of it but doing so would probably kill them.

I think it’s easier for my mum now she’s retired (she was an NHS shift worker before) but still not great. I’ve seen them be so rude to her when she’s just round there changing their bedding etc that she’s ended up in tears.

(I shouted at them and got a rare apology :sunglasses:)

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Took me a little time to get used to my dad (86, but someone should really tell him that) needing help with stuff that I had actually gone to him for help with in previous years. The dynamic has changed but our relationship is still as good as ever. All I would say is make time to go and visit because life’s too short

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I really panic about this a lot. I don’t drive and have no intention of ever driving, but public transport to my mum’s takes like 2 hours each way at best. My brother lives in America and we have no other family so it’s going to be all on me. She’s almost 70 and has arthritis quite bad already, she’s a heavy smoker too and just can’t possibly carry on being independent for much longer.

yeah. My mum is like, 76? idk…she is currently fit as a fiddle. Does her allotment every day, shopping, moves stuff around the house. Do worry when she starts picking up more mobility issues though, and she is still the main carer really to one of my sisters. Both live a fair slog away so don’t see them as much as I would like. Would like both to move down to me in dinosaur land but I think to my mum the idea of being like most of the old people down here is horrendous to her, and fair enough tbh, plus she has a better social life than me where she lives in London

My mum is 75 but my sister and two brothers live nearby and I don’t. I despise my siblings so they’re welcome to do the job of looking after her as and when she needs it.

My family really struggled with my grandad’s health deteriorating last year; he was a proud man and was in denial about his incontinence so he would hide any underwear that he had accidents in, only for my dad to find these stinky undies in a drawer :mask: he eventually agreed to wear those adult nappy things but didn’t change them often enough and the house reeked of piss towards the end.

I am the absolute worst person who could be needed to look after someone long term, so massively hoping I never need to with my parents :grimacing:

Worst for me was realising we’d gone from my father quietly letting me win at badminton to me quietly letting him win.

Pretty much moved back home in anticipation of their old age and not wanting to be 400 miles away.

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Me and my Dad have hit a stale mate at badminton, he used to beat me mercilessly but my time is coming, though to be fair to him it should have happened ages ago, I started playing against him when I was 20 I m 30 now and he’s nearly 70!! Needless to say I will not be letting him win hahaha

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Both my nans are in their 90s (one is 99 next month :open_mouth:) and while both are getting more health issues I still feel blessed that they are around. Hoping that they can both soldier on long enough that the kids (currently 3 and 6) can have concrete memories of both of them. My great grandmother lived to be 108, and it was nice to see four generations of the family together when I was growing up.

Next door neighbour is 94. I cut her lawn for her. She puts our bins back inside the front gate for us after the bin men have been :joy:

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Some levels of drama associated to one of my nans which causes a lot of headache and stress for my dad

but it’s also good to use as leverage and say “if you get like that one day, i’ll remind you of this”

my parents really aren’t that old. my mum is about 56 i think and my dad is 61.

my bfs granddad is gonna be 100 in march and we’re all having a party

100! imagine being 100!!

I think a lot of the stress is worse when you’re an only child – a tonne of responsibility with really nobody to share it/share the workload with.

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Just got news last night that my granny is in a bad way with an infection. She’s 103(!) and otherwise healthy enough but things like this can just take it right out of her. The memory thing is funny, she can tell you a play-by-play of a day out she had 80 years ago and recite a poem she learned in school but not say what she had for breakfast that morning. Recognising people comes and goes, my brother was in to see her in hospital today and she said “who’s that long fella, I think I know his face!” :relieved: Very grateful to have her still telling jokes and stories at this age tbh

mike’s nan is really old. 93 or something? still lives at home (though she really shouldn’t) and his mum is her main carer, though she also has multiple people visiting a day for other care. she’s started to get dementia as well which is a bit sad.

my parents are both 60 now and it’s starting to show. my mum’s health wasn’t the best this year (though she’s mainly fine now) and my dad’s pretty fit because he’s does manual work, but they’re slower than they used to be with things like just getting about, and my mum’s a bit forgetful. feels a bit scary knowing that relatively speaking they’re entering the last bits of their lives.

grandparents are all dead

mum has pretty much retired, dad retiring next year

our generation are really seeing the effect of keeping peoplel alive for as long as possible. if you offered me the chance to die fairly quickly at 80 or a slow decline and losing my mind and ability to look after myself while dying at 95 i’d sure be tempted to take the quick way out. i accept that i’ll probably change my mind on that as get older tho.

the other thing is the cost. how the hell are we going to pay for all the old people who need care? it’s impossible, and it will have huge financial consequences. mate of mine would’ve inherited about half a million quid if his granny hadn’t lived in a home for 10 years - obviously he’s entirely fine with his granny being treated as well as possible but it’s another thing that causes random distortions in the housing market etc.

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Really frustrates me that my mum isn’t doing much to prepare for old age. She’s 62 and has it in her head that she’s really old, so it’s like she’s told herself that there’s no point looking after herself because she’ll be dead soon. She’s 62! Her mum’s like 93 so I’m pretty sure my mum will live another 20-30 years. I’ve tried to encourage her to take up pilates or something because she does literally zero exercise and I’m worried that she won’t be strong enough to even cope with a small fall or something. My dad probably doesn’t have too long left and I’m really worried about what she’ll do when he’s gone as he does all the driving, family admin, cooking, gardening and other stuff.

Only child not yet 30 and my dad is 73 and mum is 64. Already getting the dread a bit about what will be coming up …

That said they both seem pretty well and full of energy so might be worried over nothing

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my grand parents were all dead by the time I was 18. Shame I never really got to know them as an adult. Mum is 75 but as fit as a 65 year old. And long may that continue. She is an amazing woman.

I would really advise to push her to do more, because there’s huge amounts of evidence the “feeling young = live longer” thing is true. Joining community groups, new hobbies, walking club… anything.

62 is not old at all nowadays.

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