Deep thread

isn’t that what the subconscious is?

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mine is a little lower and doesn’t have an accent. I have a slight dorky accent in real life like thom yorke or something

maybe? I tend to think of that as more primal like desires and urges but maybe it’s also higher level like literal vivid thoughts and ideas

What difference do you think your position in sibling birth order or the fact that you have siblings has made to your personality and the way you interact with others?

it’s hard to say the exact effect but loads for me I think. I believe being the youngest by 7 years and my older brother getting into trouble a lot and getting told off really contributed to my anxiety and my fear of trying new things

Youngest by seven years is a big deal, right. I imagine your relationship with your parents was different as a consequence to the one your siblings had with them too.

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yeah well my dad passed away when I was 5 so I do often wonder how that has affected my own health anxieties and the like too. Strange how much of your life just happens to you when you are a child and you only reflect on much later.

How about you?

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Sorry to hear that. That’s a massive deal and something I can’t imagine in terms of impact. We’re so confused about the world at that age, still seeing everything through a prism of fantasy, so it must be so difficult to understand let alone come to terms with.

I’m an only child, as is my Mum and my daughter, so I didn’t have to fight for anything as a kid. No one was trying to take my stuff, break my stuff, no one was picking on me and I had no one to pick on. No one was needling me trying to make me explode. I think I’m pretty placid as a result and confident of my own worth, though that might be something else that’s caused that.

I often wonder when I encounter someone spiky or argumentative just how much their relationship with siblings has led to them feeling like they’ve got to fight to be heard or to get what they want.

My housemate makes observations every once in a while about things like I’ve never had to hide my stuff so that a sibling wouldn’t get it, eat it, play with it, break it etc. Also he gave me something to eat recently and found himself saying I haven’t done anything to it. I replied why would you have? And he explained that there’s no way he would have accepted some food his sister gave him or vice versa because they’d both be convinced the other one had spat on it or farted on it or something equally choice.

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it’s fine, but thank you all the same!

Yeah it’s really scary in a way how like the first 10 years of your life will dictate your whole sense of self. I’d tend to think of being an only child as being lonely but that’s only an external stereotype I’ve heard from other people. Makes total sense that it could lead to you being at ease with yourself and independent.

Like if my dad hadn’t died I would probably have been more blokey via his influence and wouldn’t have got into sad music in the same way, my entire sense of self would be different I think.

Maybe it’s good to realise that you are actually a social construction like a joint collaboration with everyone you know rather than a fully formed static thing

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Keep trying to see the world like the silly toddler must see it. There’s all this information coming in which we use subconsciously because we know it’s ‘background’. But she’s still building all those frameworks. Must be overwhelming for her ilk. No wonder they have tantrums.


yeah I think getting stoned is the closest I can get to a childlike state now, there’s so much stimulus out there that we just filter out isn’t there

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