Definitive list of rules for public transport / commuter bill of obedience

Children make a bit of noise on public transport. As long as they’re not running amok or killing anyone, it’s all fine. Buy some noise-cancelling earphones.

5 Likes

I was going to write out a whole load of rules for rail travel but then realised they can be neatly summarised thus:

  • Other people on trains: please fuck off
7 Likes
  • Don’t stand in the bike area when there are seats available please team, it’s bullshittery when a bike attempts to get on.
1 Like
  • If, when getting off at the next stop, the bell has already been rung and the ‘Bus Stopping’ light is shining brightly, you can and should press the bell again to be on the safe side
1 Like

• I very much doubt the thing you have to do is important enough for you to be as rude and angry to people as you are, please calm down

What is this mystical “bike area” of which you speak?

Don’t bring one form of transport onto a different form of transport, please. Use the initial transport to get to the place instead.

1 Like

Why would you attack me like this?

Passport control can take minutes or hours depending on how quickly you get from the plane to the gates. I have no shame in getting there as quickly as I can.

5 Likes

This isn’t an attack. It’s the rule. Pressing the button is good and fun and therefore should be done as often as possible.

2 Likes

Nah I stay put. Something in me stops me from moving lest I upset the other person (dunno they might think “do I smell” or something)

2 Likes
  • If you are sitting in someone else’s reserved seat (we’ve all done it) then you are a chancer so, in the event that that person arrives to claim their seat, don’t moan/pull an annoyed face/protest: you’ve been caught so fuck off
4 Likes

IT’S NOT A TOY!

I’m a big fan of your work, Tone, but you’re wrong here. Very wrong.

1 Like
  • I like pressing a button
  • I don’t like pressing a button
0 voters

Nah, I get out of there. No way do they want to stay sat next to me.

This question has been positioned incorrectly to make scott and me look like grumps.

3 Likes

just remembered a few months ago was stood on a train that was massively delayed so packed completely full, loads of people still couldn’t get on and they kept trying to squeeze people along for a few minutes before eventually the doors closed on a few of them. the whole time in the middle of the carriage i was on there was a guy stood with a folded brompton bike at his feet next to him, but it wasn’t visible from the outside so it looked like he was just taking up unnecessary space. the people who couldn’t get on were all pointing at him, knocking on the window and making wanker signs etc while he was just stood there looking sheepish and avoiding eye contact :smiley:

3 Likes

All I’ve done is to break the conundrum down to it’s simplest form.

He’s low. Really low.