Describe your perfect shower



water above head, warm, mild pressure, no time limit, no shower curtain

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Like losing a fight with an angry waterfall


Tory Party


Warm house, towel heated on radiator, Large shower head, high/medium pressure, large shower encolusre, no small children banging on the door asking what I am doing and trying to get in, no small children waiting outside when I get out.


Genie comes out of the showerhead.

My first wish is for infinite wishes.


Long, hot and powerful


Big cubicle, so I can move my giant body around in comfort, very high pressure please, like the water is trying to beat me up, original source rhubarb & raspberry shower gel, about 7/10 on the heat scale.


What about the shower?


Substitute “cat” for “small children” and I agree with this


We don’t have one but I am partial to a big rainfall showerhead. I can describe my worst shower and it’s at my inlaws. The bath is next to a window so you have to shower in a narrow corridor between two shower curtains which invariably cling to you - it’s a claustrophobic nightmare. I didn’t think it was possible to emerge from a shower stressed.


Rainfall shower head, mid warmth Goldilocks style, large enough to have a smooch in, good pressure.

Ethique St Clements shampoo bar for hair
Original source sea salt shower gel

Music on a Bluetooth speaker, namely my monthly playlist

Nice towel, no disturbances from kids asking why I’m cleaning there

Basically the total opposite of what I have now, apart from the shampoo and shower gel

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Walk-in with only a glass panel separating the shower area and the rest of the bathroom. Dim but warm lighting and dark walls - maybe dark wood panelling. Adjustable power - different powers for different needs. Doesn’t sound splashy and distracting. Steamy but not so much that you can’t see. A herbal scent. Someone I fancy is in it with me.


Big waterfall thing with a separate bum gun.

Ability to have water going through both waterfall and bum gun at decent pressure at the same time.

Toiletries that I’d never buy but like when hotels have, rituals or something.

Ideally a speaker in the wall/ceiling so I can pump in the chooonz

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Immediately the right temperature with no faffing around. Hand shower option along with over-head so I can choose whether to get my hair wet. Sliding door rather than curtain.


Water coming out that fast it hurts please

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Let’s face it, I’m a bath guy!

mine would be:

  • soft water
  • 37.5°C
  • high pressure
  • overhead shower
  • no drainage issues
  • appropriate places to store soap and shampoo
  • whatever the most expensive products in the world are
  • glass enclosure in a sloped wetroom instead of needing a shower curtain
  • squeegee available to scrape the water down at the end
  • clean oversized bathrobe with monogram and/or novelty embroidered avatar
  • a window you can easily open to let the steam out at the end
  • underfloor heating
  • complete silence except birdsong when I open the window to release steam

I reckon if I was given an unlimited budget to design myself the perfect shower I would come up with something so underwhelming that people would think I was missing something. It’s one of those things where I just can’t see where the differences lie between a cheap version and a luxurious version.

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large human sized receptacle to fill with the shower water
as hot as I can physically stand it
I lie down in it for 1 - 2 hours