DiS Novel

It was a cold evening. Balonz was sat in a creaky chair looking ponderous over the warm glow of his Nintendo Switch

He noticed a hot tub at the far end of his garden.

“Curious”, he said “I don’t remember that being there before.”

the end


was nowhere in sight


much to the dismay of ruffers


Balonz slowly stood up & made his way over to the mysterious hot tub, thinking to himself ‘Did I really buy that Hot Tub from Aldi just because the newspapers told me to?’

he was completely naked and fully erect

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He had been playing Dead Cells

“nobody speaks like this”, he said glowering into the unending darkness of his own chest cavity, so decided not to speak any more.

The aroma of a burning copy of The Sun gently wafted under his nose.

much like those which cause the darkness in his special place

The hot takes within the newspaper kept his house warmer than anyone could imagine, far warmer than any high end central heating system

all of a sudden he heard a noise

IT came from the Hot Tub

At a distance the tub’s horizon portrayed the top edge of a hat, appearing to fizz in the dusk as gallons of piss sprayed at full force towards the sky


He died

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of excitement when

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his favourite squirrel

He realized the piss was coming not from an intruder but his long lost puppy ‘Sparks’

Sparks and the squirrel squared up in an epic battle for Balonz’s affection