DiS Off Menu

Hi there! Dont think we’ve had enough food threads lately so let’s do one inspired by the Off Menu podcast. What is your dream meal? Please tell me the following:

Still or sparkling water?
Poppadoms or bread?

And then if you could have any:

Main course
Side dish

what would they be? Can be your favourite food, something you had once and never forgot, whatever. Also please add details of setting, restaurant set-up etc.


Pintxo crawl around San Seb to count as starter with a few canas. Main a medium rare steak with a red wine. Some sort of potatoes and a garlic sauce with the steak. No dessert.


Still water

Starter = lovely tomato soup
Main course = lasagna
Side dish = Shit load of chips
Drink = more water
Dessert = so what you do now listen carefully is what you do is you get a brownie, right, you can make it yourself or buy it from a supermarket I don’t mind and then what you do you put that to one side – yes put it down we’ll pick it back up later – right yeah so then NO DONT TOUCH IT PUT IT BACK. BACK THERE. and then, as I was saying, NO YOU PUT IT BACK WHERE IT WAS. (sighs) anyway so then you get your vanilla ice cream get that out of the freezer right. then you put the brownie in a bowl - yes it’s fine to pick it up now don’t be like that - and then you put that in the microwave and you put it in there maybe a minute a bit less just so it’s nice and warm and gooey and that and then what you do is what you do is you put the ice cream on that and there’s YES THAT’S RIGHT a transcendent dialogue between the hot and the cold did you see me at one of my conference talks?


Tap water, not arsed about mineral water really and definitely not sparkling.

Bread - warm, slightly crusty rolls, plenty of butter.

Starter: Lightly battered calamari, from The Blue Dolphin restaurant, Kingsbridge (used to work there, doesn’t exist now) sweet chilli sauce for dipping.

Main: Might have to be a sirloin steak, rare, with dauphinois potatoes and peas. There are a lot of options for this. Might change it later.

Side: Ivor Dewdney pasty

Dessert: Mrs F’s Guinness gingerbread cake, hot, with custard

Drink: 4 cans of Sandford Orchards Devon Red cider




my answer is only part joking as well, I’m very not a foody! I really like Ed Gamble and James Acaster and my total not being a foody kind of stopped me from listening to the podcast. Maybe I’ll pick it up again some time

I really like it when American people are on and have no idea what he’s talking about. Susie Essman’s reaction was brilliant.


Starter - small Ivor Dewdney pasty
Main course - large Ivor Dewdney pasty
Side dish - medium Ivor Dewdney pasty
Drink - liquidised Ivor Dewdney pasty
Dessert - Ivor Dewdney pasty with a bit of cream on


The last time I had steak (and only one of two times I’ve had red meat this year) I had a calamari starter. Add that to my fictional starter.

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In fact yours looks great other than the peas and cider

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Might swap the peas tbh.

I had mac n cheese with aforementioned steak

Reckon mac n cheese with dauphinois on the side would be a pretty good way to inevitably die.


Still water
Seeded bread roll and butter

Shell on giant prawns in garlic butter
Steak, medium rare with mushroom sauce, dauphinois and onion rings
Macaroni Cheese
Sticky toffee and custard

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Ooo this is good.

Still or sparkling water?
Sparkling. Fuck still water. Always sparkling.

Poppadoms or bread?
Bread, fresh white bread. With real butter, also fresh, and to bite. Ideally I’ll have 3 or 4 portions of this.

And then if you could have any:

Starter: bread and butter again
Main course: Scottish breakfast with plenty of tattie scones, black pudding and square saus
Side dish: Korean fried chicken pls
Drink: Barr’s Cream Soda
Dessert: right can I have a trio? I want a creme brulee, I want a sticky toffee pudding with vanilla ice cream and I want a lemon sorbert, cheers


Do they even make them anymore? HAHAHA

There was a place near you (thurlestone) where I had a massive plate of this and it was the best thing ever

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Was it the shack on the beach? Thurlestone is a wannabe Salcombe but the beach is nice.

Yeah. Pal’s family has a holiday home in the big ex hotel on the cliff.

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