DiS Solves Everyday Conundrums (a rolling thread for the collective problem-solving genius of DiS)


#1

Ok, chadders has been going on and on about starting a thread like this but can’t get his arse in gear to post it.

So, I’ll get the ball rolling.

#1 saps is a fucking idiot

Far too frequently I leave my front-door key in the lock on the outside. Often I realise within a few minutes but sometimes it’s hours and on a few occasions I’ve not noticed till the next morning. I could be murdered in my bed.

DiS, solve this conundrum.


#2

take off your front door. No key, no fuss.


#3

Don’t leave your key in the front door.

SOLVED


#4
  • sleep in your hallway. Then you won’t be murdered in your bed

#5

Fashion an ice knife in the same shape as your front door key each time you need to unlock it, as it will melt if left in the lock.


#6

Chip yourself and get a device where whenever you are 1+ metres from your keys a 120DB alarm goes off.


#7

If you had a face I’d kiss you.


#8

I used to do this a lot. Went through a spate of it when about 20ish. Can be down to stress, dementia, or in my case, smoking mad ganj


#9

Get a nu metal key chain and actually attach your keys to it


#10

Keep your keys on one of those ski lift pass strings connected to your belt/etc. You’ll look like a cunt, but you’re less likely to get murdered.

(Obviously still keep the keys in your pocket rather than walking round with them bouncing around like a caretaker…)


#11
  • don’t forget nu metal shorts to complete the look

#12

#13

The only time I’ve ever done this was when I was really excited to try Pokémon Go.


#14

Can we have multiple conundrums running at once? I’ll test the waters with a low-key conundrum. It doesn’t matter if this one doesn’t get solved, so if this goes against the grain of the thread, it’s fine to ignore it.

Anyway, DiS? I’m looking for a very specific flavour.

I’ve tasted it in my dreams and I’ve found myself craving it from time to time, but I’m not sure it really exists.

The best way to describe it is as “orange milk”.

Can anyone help?


Thread for posts that are funnier out of context
#15

It’s all about the he said she said bullshit


#16

#17

Blend an orange in milk

Or eat a terrys chocolate orange


#18

Try dreaming about other things


#19

tangerine dreams


#20

Absolutely. The more the merrier.