DiSer AMAs #4: imaperv

@TheBarbieMovie2023 come on down!

hiya pervo. feeling any better today?

Hello @TheBarbieMovie2023. I have two questions today:

  1. If you could be any dinosaur, which dinosaur would you be and why?
  2. Who is the third best non-league football team after (in exact order), Hendno and Tonbridge Angels?

@TheBarbieMovie2023 do you do any preparation before going on countdown or do you just wing it?

also, any opinions on scottish politics?

oh hi Mark.

I am indeed feeling a bit better today. Spending 20+ hours asleep in the past 2 days and not having to deal with humans is definitely the way to go. I reckon I’ll be well enough for gerbil cuddles by Thursday.


hey @TheBarbieMovie2023 how big is the biggest wang you’ve ever seen and did you think twice/reject it outright?

Hello @anon76851889.

  1. I would be an oviraptor. Like me, they are omnivores, have massive noses and sport flamboyant headwear, which they use to attract a m9. Most importantly it’s a 9-letter word. #perviraptor
  2. Got a lot of time for the GBOLs of Carshalton Athletic (we started chanting about hating Sutton one time and they joined in), although their stadium is turd and a bit Brexit, and the ATDs of Dulwich Hamlet. My 3 least favourite non-league teams (in order) are Maidscum United, Leyton Orient and Billericay Town, with Dover Athletic getting an honorary mention.

Hiya imaperv :smiley: :wave:

Kiss, Marry, Kill! the DiS edition. Who gets what?

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Hi imaperv

I am your genie and I grant you three wishes. What do you wish for?

Big up pervo,

Do you have a playlist of perv classics? In the vein of this:

Can’t believe I’d never heard it until you linked to it in the now listening thread!

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Barely any practice, tbh:


Not even in the top 30 most time played on the website! That’s just the online practice. I have books full of stems (i.e. PAINTERS+O = PATRONISE) and used to have a wall full of post-its with words written on them in my 2nd year of uni. Probably why no-one fancied me that year.

My main opinion on Scottish politics is that it’s a travesty that everyone has forgotten Gisela “I find a gorilla very attractive” Allen since the local elections.

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is that 65 days played or 65 hours?

8 inches (I asked him if he’d ever measured it and he said no, which shocked me - if I were a bloke I’d be measuring it weekly - then one time he just whipped out a ruler when I was giving him a handy and shouted “GO ON THEN, I THOUGHT YOU WANTED TO KNOW”). I wish I had rejected it outright :slight_smile:


Kiss - I would be wary of kissing most DiSers as I’d get stubble rash from their unkempt chin bushes.
Marry - EMO, he seems like a total sweetheart and v trustworthy (obviously a total babe too) but probably also has a sex dungeon. What more do you need in a man?
Kill - Ruffers. Mansplaining feminism to me, pretending early Weezer aren’t good, making libellous comments about my mother - the man’s a disgrace. Also he really needs a haircut because he looks like a 12 year old girl who’s lost her hairbrush.


I’d like to ask @TheBarbieMovie2023 why they’re so FUCKING CRAP, THEY’RE FUCKING MOTHER-FU…



1 - some kind of excellent job where I get to put my writing or cyberstalking skills to use, and earn enough to move out/relocate
2 - my best mate to get better soon
3 - an end to war and poverty, or something like that [real answer: win a prestigious Countdown tournament in magnificent style]

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I have several playlists of all-time bangers. The ultimate all-time banger and greatest song ever written in my IMHO opinion:

I don’t have a perv playlist though. But if I did, this risque ditty would be on it:

DISCLAIMER: i have never tried this with any of my gerbils

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Do you prefer window or aisle seats on public transport?