#133

part of the reason why at about 16 i stopped going to gigs altogether (also got assaulted at the first gig i went to without an adult, aged 13. COOL)

2 Likes
#134

people think I’m lazy because I look fat and stupid.

and I am.

3 Likes
#135

I’m about the same height and weight as the average adult man, so I don’t have to worry so much about the being shoved out of the way aspect that upsets a lot of women, but yeah, I still get groped.

At one time, when I was still concerned with being “nice” I felt like I wasn’t allowed to react, like everyone would just think I was this bitch or this harpy who’s crazy and over-emotional.

Now I just hit them, elbow them, and stamp on their feet and they look so surprised like it came out of nowhere. Hopefully it teaches them a lesson.

These days I feel like I have to aggressively take the space, and like I should carve out more of it for other people. I’m incredibly tired of the assumption that music and gigs are for men, and naturally belong to them, and they might grudgingly let them in if they think you are hot, and you stay quiet and butter up their poor fragile egos. It doesn’t belong to them. One day we will outnumber them.

Also see: my attitude to this place while I am unemployed and bored

4 Likes
#136

can’t believe how common this seems :frowning:

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#137

It gets really depressing too trying to play any music.

Like imagine every time you did one of your cover songs, you had a whole load of people scrutinising every single tiny aspect and leaping on any tiny imperfection as proof that you couldn’t do it, were never meant to try, and should give up (or at least let them bully you with comments designed to make you feel small and useless and stupid).

Or just ignored your music altogether and creepily speculated about your cock, or made sleazy comments that made you feel horrible and uncomfortable and just want to go home and hide. And all this started while you were a teenage boy.

#138

it’s always in the back of your mind that it could happen. i’ve had so many conversations about things our mothers taught us to do - putting your keys between your fingers when walking, carrying a penknife or pepper spray or an alarm, or the most common of all - checking in with each other to confirm you’ve got home safely.

4 Likes
#139

Walking along roads after dark in the opposite direction to cars, so that no-one can follow you.

Crossing the road to not be walking on the same side as strange men at night.

#140

avoiding places altogether, even in broad daylight

(actually once took part in a group activity where we listed as many of these we could think of and there were so many that i’d never encountered)

1 Like
#141

I’ve been groped at more gigs than I can count, but I got flashed at a gig for the first time last year. I just couldn’t believe that someone had the nerve to turn around and flash me in the middle of a very busy crowded room and no one said anything

#142

it’s really awful, I think about my interactions with women and just thinking that I’m a decent person so obviously I mean well isn’t good enough.

There does seem to be this dodgy perception that music belongs to men and women are just playing at it and don’t really understand it on a deep level.

Ah just the whole thing is terrible, I’m sorry!

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#143

I’m sorry you got flashed, and no-one said anything.

Why can’t we just be allowed to go to things and have a nice time, without someone deliberately spoiling it, and trying to humiliate us?

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#144

it’s like your living on a hostile alien planet :frowning:

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#145

nah it’s worse than that.

sorry I will leave your thread now.

#146

Thats why Trump being elected is so scary, because a major world leader is advocating and partaking in this behaviour, and a large number of people either support his actions or are prepared to ignore it.

#147

I don’t blame anyone for giving up on life.

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#148

A guy at work assumed I was a poor student and offered me some leftover rolls from a work party to take home…cause I’m poor. I’m fairly certain I get paid roughly the same as him which definitely is not poor.

I laughed in his face and was thinking “mate if only you knew how much I spend on toast”

7 Likes
#149

That I’m moody, arrogant and rude. And they’re not fucking wrong!!11

#150

I remember I went to see Le Tigre in 2001, when I was about to turn 17. One (straight) male friend in our group said afterwards that he had felt really uncomfortable and unwelcome at the gig, like he wasn’t supposed to be there and it wasn’t for him. He was quite surprised when I and another female friend said that’s how we felt nearly all the time at gigs. It had never happened to him before at the age of 19. It really didn’t help that I was going to see a load of post-rock and post-hardcore bands at the time, and the whole thing was just a total sausage-fest. It was rare for me to see a woman on the stage, and that was in big acts like Sonic Youth. I can’t even think of any I saw at a local gig. Not one.

Also I remember how nice it felt when I went to see Toro Y Moi, and the crowd looked like the mix of people you’d see on the street outside in London, the same mix and proportions of genders, races etc. You get way too resigned to just seeing this sea of white men, and I think it always puts you slightly on edge. Like you might be “allowed” to be there right now, but actually you’re kind of on the edge.

#151

you’re welcome at my fictional gigs that I will never play!

1 Like
#152

I am less shy than I was at 16 thank god.