Do you have any David Brent colleagues?

My one yesterday told me how he made a joke the previous day with someone (punchline was a play on ‘cheap’ and ‘cheep’) and then told me he’d love to try stand up comedy one day. Always amazes me that the least funny people are always the least aware of how unfunny they are.

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The other week my boss came up to me holding his phone and held it out to me, and told me to watch, it was a video of his two dogs playing with each other, I assumed it was just meant to be a cute video when one of the dogs rolled over and starting licking the other dogs knob and my boss started laughing like it was the funniest thing in the world, found it very weird and quite Brentian.

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I worked with a dreadful woman called Sheila who would only refer to herself in third person, does that count?

“Well Sheila wouldn’t do it that way and Sheila’s been here for 47 years hasn’t she…”, does smug grin as she sits down to email something racist to a client

She was the worst.

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My one goes to a business network thing once a week, there’s about 20 other people there from different local businesses. He gets up with his acoustic each week and sings a song with some of the lyrics changed to stuff about marketing.

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Former boss:

most direct colleagues are alright but the CTO is one of the most awful and cringy people i’ve ever met, he’s an IT guy in his mid 50s and gave a speech at a rebranding launch recently that was just him listing adjectives ‘inspiring, togetherness, cool’. he’s written a management book that i reckon about 10 people have read. voted brexit even though he’s a brit abroad. horrible man

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Loads. Most memorable one was a guy that was obsessed with going on game shows (like he’d be on at least one or two per year, in the audience etc) but got pissed off when you tried to talk to him about it.

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One of them is retiring so he did a totally earnest cover of Rocket Man in tribute. This is with them all sat there watching him, all wearing office attire. My god.

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I’ve spoken about this guy before on here but a couple of years ago I work with a contractor who we actually nicknamed David Brent, such was the visual and behavioural likeness. On his first day he leaned in very closely and said ‘laelfy, I’m very, very, very experienced at this job’ and ‘laelfy, I have a very, very full life outside of work’ which was his cue to not listen to a word we said. He’d wear a flat cap and braces and shades indoors. It turned out he was a drag queen in his spare time which was pretty hilarious. He was being paid an absolute fortune and he was so dreadful at his job that when my bosses eventually had the balls to fire him 8 months later I had to repeat all of his work. For the rest of my life every time I will search for a new job from now on I will have to check LinkedIn first to make sure I don’t end up working with him again.

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Like it was a thing ‘don’t talk to Ben about the game shows’

Also was hell bent on organising team building trips but always somewhere near to where he lived (near Oxford). Pulled a sickie for all three of them.

Another guy at the same company who I had absolutely minimal contact with but made a huge deal about me visiting him in New York after id left when I handed in my notice. Got about 3 emails in two months notice about it, all of them similarly worded, and he’d obviously forgot about sending previous emails. Brought it up on a conference call too as if I’d not received the emails despite me replying to all of them being like ‘yeah, doubt I’ll be in New York any time soon but I’ll DEFINITELY drop you a bell if I ever am’

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there’s a guy at my work called Norman who does this but first time i was in a meeting with him i didn’t know what his name was so i had no idea who this Norman guy was that he kept referring to for some reason

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There’s always a Norman int there no matter where y’are there’s always a Norman

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Yeah my Brent is a very nice man tbf

DB

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I used to have a Brent at a prior job, every time I had a haircut he’d say “have you had your ears lowered?” and I’d do a massive laugh because of how Brent it was and he’d look really chuffed like he was a great manager and comic genius. Every two weeks for 18 months we did that routine.

Mine does the exact same

Not really Brentian but a good excuse to talk about nightmare colleagues.

During my stint at BP I worked with a man. 40s, enormous beer belly, changed his surname by deed poll to Wolf. He also bought a tiny piece of land so he could use the title Lord. This name was on his payslips. He’d barely do any work. Most of the time you’d find him at the jet wash cleaning his collection of remote control cars.

When he decided to help out he’d say to the customer “£40 unleaded?” instead of diesel and vice versa, genuinely panicking a lot of people, thinking they had put the wrong fuel in their car. Some completely lost it with him.

He was also a fan of the
“do you have a loyalty card?
No.
I won’t tell your wife”
routine.

He would eat raw mince from Tesco out of the packet as if it were steak tartare.

He stank of Mayfairs.

At the end of my shift he’d sometimes give me a can of Special Brew from the boot of his car for my walk home along the verge.

Awful man.

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He was called Lord Wolf?