Do you think the amount of sex you will have in your life will overtake the amount of wanks?

I would say no. I think I built up a pretty unsurmountable lead from the ages 13-18.

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Almost certainly not.

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Absolute no chance

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Not sure it’ll ever start closing the gap tbh

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No.

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It would probably look good on a line graph. Another line for blowjobs as well that would peter along the bottom

If I live to a million and have my hands cut off

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Yeah. I think I’ve passed that point.

Think you’ve got blowjobs mixed up with another sex act there, pal.

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to which column are we scoring non-self-administered hand relief?

You’re going to let something as insignificant as having no hands stop you?

To your own column, I’d presume

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Easily. I’m always having sex.

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So many questions. Why does sex fall at 45? Will you still be having 100 wanks a year at 75?

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Peak blowjob between 45 and 55!

Ooooh yes

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That’s the year you got a couple of ribs removed

Obviously not the case as he’s still having 300 wanks a year

*grew ashamed at having full sex with prostitutes