Does anyone else here have a phobia of doing things they like?

I can’t bring myself to make music at the moment I seem to be doing anything possible to put it off, I’ve found myself getting drunk first thing in the morning so I can put it off for another day.

Could do with some good advice on how to overcome this.

Maybe I’m crazy?

I have mild dread about doing nearly anything that I’m looking forward to and know I’ll enjoy.

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is it fear of the thing being over/finished do you think?

As someone that suffers depression, I have this complex where I’ll get impossibly excited about something when I make arrangements but severe levels of dread as the day comes closer and I’d say half of the time I end up canceling it. I think it’s because I have this fear that if I got to do something I enjoy and no longer enjoy it’ll be one less thing for me to get excited about and only feed into my depression.

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Get the same thing with music unless I’m with other people. Too much pressure, seems doomed.

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Nah, more that I routinely and habitually anticipate things going badly and ruining the thing even when the chances of it actually happening are insanely slim.

Like, I’ve literally had the same, very close circle of friends for two decades now, me going out and socialising with them isn’t going to result in me saying/doing something to expose the fact that they don’t actually like me but it’s a lingering fear any time plans are made.

As with my other behavioural traits, I am finding increasing comfort in the fact that I can identify a thought-pattern as being “wrong” and try to react accordingly, that doesn’t stop the thought-pattern from happening though.

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I get this with loads of stuff. It’s got better since I’ve had fewer friends, which sounds sad, but the horrible pressure of thinking about how an interaction was going to go, how an activity might play out, the effort of getting up and doing it, was so bad that it made doing anything feel crushingly hard. So, I’ve limited my interactions and now I do things that, in the main, I’m comfortable with and enjoy. Could be giving in, could be me setting appropriate horizons. Whatever, I’m sorry you feel that way because it’s horrible.

I’m quite scared of heights. Not the phobia it was in my youth but not ideal for climbing…

Climb down?

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Yeah, a fair bit. It’s something that’s being addressed in my anxiety counseling.

The most helpful thing has been focusing on (slightly patronising name) wonky thinking patterns around it. For example I might feel anxiety about going to card game tournaments, which I love doing. One reason is a worry that I won’t meet expectations. One wonky thought is “other people are expecting me to do well”, which is daft because I don’t know what other people are thinking and they’re far more likely to be thinking about their own performance. And so what if I don’t meet those expectations (or my own)? What does that mean? Fuck all, if you dig down into it.

Bit of a niche example but the whole thing has been really helpful to me.

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ah this is great, thought I was very strange and different for feeling this way but apparently not!

Need to find a way to force myself to make some music next week.

I get this with music and just playing unfortunately

I think it is a very common thing, particularly for people who battle anxiety and / or depression. A lot of the thought processes and talk of expectation upthread I can massively relate to and is stuff that I have challenged / recognised through various counselling / psychotherapy sessions.

I think I tend to make the most of enjoying things and being into things now when those times strike, because I know that the motivation / enjoyment / dread factor is so transient and everything will feel like an uphill challenge again before I know it.

No, but I do find myself thinking “I should save [nice thing] for a better time”, and then of course you never end up doing or using said nice thing.

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I used to go Windsurfing quite a bit and was quite good at it, despite not being a great swimmer and having a bit of a phobia over water. I used to wear a buoyancy aid so I was safe enough.

But once I rigged up, and sailed off, to realise I’d left the buoyancy aid on the beach of the lake, so I had to work my way back without falling in, I was petrified.

i climb twice a week even though i get really bad vertigo. also, like, dating, i guess.

Oh thought untrue had returned

right back at you

fair

Why aren’t you in the climbing thread?!

Edit: unless the thread gives you vertigo?